[Music]
live from london
and streaming around the world
everything you'll see tonight is
completely
improvised this is mischief movie night
in
please welcome your host oscar
hello hello hello yes
hello welcome everyone to mischief movie
night
wow this is exciting we're still here in
our comedy bunker where everything you
see tonight will be completely
improvised and tonight we have
38 countries from all around the world
tuning in
right now so without any further ado
let's put it hard let's put our hands
together for our amazing house band
it's ashani and richard
our amazing technicians and camera team
and of course our amazing
mischief improvising cast for tonight
amazing amazing it's so great to be back
and i've got this new book
it's all so exciting i can't even begin
to describe
welcome to mischief movie night my name
is oscar
and here in my in my home cinema i have
every single film
that has ever been made every film you
could ever possibly imagine and tonight
we're gonna watch one film from that
infinite collection but as always which
one we watch is entirely down to
all of you our amazing audience watching
all around the world and of course on
our participation screen here
so any further ado i'm gonna find out
what we're gonna watch and first
we're going to speak to the croom
family the croom family in hyde
how are you doing guys oh we're just
gonna unmute hello
hello hello hello um so um
i know that your son wanted to do an
impression of me
yes coming down the stairs yeah
he he likes to be you he's like
aidan they're uncomfortable shoes to
wear i promise you
it's not as glamorous as it looks let's
see it come on
hello hello hello hello
hello everyone everything you're about
to see on this show
is completely improvised there we go
[Applause]
and as my friends all applaud my
lack of job security as aiden the young
child
looks to take over i'm gonna ask you all
i'm gonna ask you
what genre of film would you like to see
tonight
we're arguing here i would like a asylum
movie but my children would like
disney disney i'm definitely on the
children's side
um yes no it's it's a yeah i love disney
that's great disney is fantastic i tell
you what
there will be a no matter what we watch
tonight there'll be a moment of silence
not a moment but there'll be like a
little silent
kind of a silent snippet if you will but
i think a whole hour
of improvised silence i think i think
you might regret that and creatively
quickly
is my guess but thank you so so much
guys for the impression and the
suggestion
and now let's speak to carla and simon
carla and simon
come on in guys you've been here every
night
every night so far um what's what yeah
yeah we're very keen which has been your
favorite one so far
we enjoyed the chaos of yesterday's uh
murder mystery with a sort of black
adder ending where just every everyone
dies
we have watched all of them they've been
fantastic i'm
it's bold to choose the favorite one
being the one that i was away from when
i'm here
no not even the no no consideration for
my
damaged ego
there we go a lone whoop for my small
ego
right guys what would what genre of film
would you like to see
uh we were thinking uh buddy cop movie
bloody god that's fantastic we haven't
done one of them at all i don't think
buddy cop
excellent thank you so so much guys and
now i would like to speak to gina
um gina coming gina in sheffield i
believe
do you hear me gina there you are there
you are gina
it's your birthday right yes it's my
birthday
happy birthday gina thank you
i know there's quite a few birthdays
tonight so don't think i've forgotten
you i'll get you as well later but gina
what would you like to see tonight
um i really like the princess bride it's
one of my favorite movies so i'd love to
see like a
a fairy tale reimagined combination type
thing
a fairy tale combination
reimagined cool all right then brilliant
brilliant fantastic
that sounds awesome well thank you so so
much for the suggestions
we're now gonna do our online poll um
for the first
for the last few shows that i've been
doing this it's technically failed each
time
so tonight i believe it will work
so if you want to see a disney movie
then you're going to vote for option a
if you want to see a buddy carp movie
might not be
in america that was an american accent
by the way if you want to see a buddy
cop movie
then you're going to vote for b or if
you want to see a fairy tale reimagined
story
then i want you to vote for option c and
that poll
is going to start now
we've gone from other kind of who wants
oh
[Music]
wow that was pretty apocalyptic wasn't
it that
less jovial than normal but but the poll
has worked the poll has
worked doomsday is here but we're doing
option b
we're doing option b a buddy cop movie
that is fantastic so what i need now
is i need a location for um obviously
obviously some of this will be in a
police a police district of some kind
but what i need is i need to know what
where is this film set
um give me a location uh
richard and robert can i speak to
richard and robert
hey guys hello good evening good night
good evening
do you have a location for me yes we
were thinking um the dockyard
the dockyard i think that is fantastic
we're gonna take that
and we're gonna run with it so fast you
won't be able to catch us great
it's set at the dockyard so this is a
buddy cop
movie it's set at the dockyard and what
i need now is a fantastic
title for this film so give me a wave
participation audience if you've got a
title
roxanne roxanne you're waving as as the
heaves have come back to you don't worry
roxanne what have you got for us
a cop in the ocean a cop in the ocean
a cop in the ocean that's very clever
because like a drop in the ocean
but also the idea of a murdered cop in
the ocean
very good very good um um let's also
speak to the haves
behaves what were you gonna say we were
gonna say the cop at the dock
the cop at the dock they're all very
they're all very good so far cop at the
dock
and then um the western girls you also
had a suggestion what are you going to
go for
i've got one i've got one it's the
it's called the buddy doc movie
the buddy doc movie but these are all
seriously good they're all seriously
good
i'm gonna i'm gonna go for oh
i'm gonna go for a cop in the ocean
i'm gonna go for a cop in the ocean but
i i think they're all
very very good tonight i i cannot wait
to watch a cop in the ocean it is an
absolutely fantastic fantastic
movie it's it's a story of friendship
but it's a story of betrayal it's a
story of crime it's just
it's it's phenomenal but before we start
it
obviously it's not just our amazing
beautiful
talented participation audience that are
suggesting things tonight
there are also people all around the
world right now 38 countries
all sending in tweets facebooks and
instagrams
with ideas about what you want to see
tonight so let's go over
to ellie and nancy in social media
a corner hello
hi everybody in the social media corner
we have been
scrolling through all of your
suggestions and uh we're gonna
pick a few now let's go to the facebook
suggestions
okay let's see okay all right
james mckillip you were here the other
day i know you nice
um oh i love that that's really great
oh oh what's this okay a character
called clint
who is always riding an invisible horse
no that's a very fun one i love that
that's amazing
we'll go with that one great okay that's
one now should we go to instagram okay
there it is
shorter slow motion let's see what we
have
best whistling those fish wow that's it
that's a toughie let's see what we've
got award
no oh okay award for worst scree
green screen use as none of the
locations match the scene this doesn't
count though i think this bit
doesn't count as it is that's quite fun
kk okay spring leaf
thank you thanks for that one twitter
twitter
what do we have leigh morris good
surname kate watson very nice
okay oh very good oh this one definitely
sarah rimmer award for the best
spontaneous
limericks plus so there's more than one
that's that's okay
so they are what have we got from
facebook can you remember guys
we've got the horse there's someone
invisible horse invisible character with
an invisible horse and then
instagram that was instagram great this
is this is amazing
the award for the spontaneous limericks
and what was the first one
the count you could talk oh yeah the
green screen one green screen
yeah yeah all right back to you oscar
thank you guys for taking those amazing
suggestions
and half remembering them within five
seconds
well done um okay brilliant i'm very
excited to see this film it's going to
be absolutely
jam-packed full of stuff a cop in the
ocean is one of my favorite ever movies
and it begins immediately with our two
buddies two cops in their cop car
driving around the docks in a district
that is low
on crying they've kind of been sent out
there because of
past bad behavior and we learn a little
bit about that rap record as cops
but also about their enduring friendship
as pals everyone around the world
please put your hands together and go
crazy for
a cop in the ocean play
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
smooth radio station this is smooth
radio and we are here today on a monday
i'm doing it jack i can't listen to any
smooth radio anymore
you drive me crazy on these stakeouts ah
come on
ricky don't you want to be relaxed i'm a
stakeout why be stressed
i'm always stressed that's my mo get
stressed
get the job done i know ricky i know why
don't you just learn
to take it easy sometimes that's why i
put on smooth radio for you
yeah well you take it too easy sometimes
that's why you let all the criminals get
away
what happened to those guys in kentucky
well they got away but we caught them
later
yeah just a very early opportunity i
think to see
the director's cut to see how being too
relaxed
can allow lots of criminals to get away
play so you don't want to tie us up or
ah go ahead i'll see you later
all right all right we go back to the
main
movie we go back to the main movie play
[Laughter]
this is changing my steering wheel
it was really far away the steering
wheel
it was under a lot of other props that's
all right look
ricky you look tense yeah
now after that rollercoaster journey
getting the steering wheel
listen perhaps we should take a leaf out
of each other's books all right
you put on the radio i'll try and relax
but at the same time
you keep your eyes on the road because
these goddamn crooks
they're creepy and they got really soft
shoes
which makes them really hard to catch
you're right ricky
i tell you what i'll turn on the radio
and i'll keep an eye out for those
crims
is smooth radio and if you're feeling a
bit
stressed or tense this morning on your
ride to work
why don't you smooth radio
sounds very much like an 80s adult movie
[Laughter]
i know i don't think that's good or bad
but i thought it was
worth remarking on anyway let's let's
let's carry on let's carry on
as we're gonna remember there's not a
lot of crime in this district play
why don't you just talk about your
feelings with your best friend
unbutton your shirt i'm here to fix the
boiler what the hell is this
jack ricky it's smooth radiant
take this radio out put it in the back
ricky why are we driving around this
part of town
hey stop the car do you want any buy any
girl scout cookies
do you want a girl scout cookies god
damn but we'll take a couple of girl
scouts oh thanks so much
oh gee are you guys cops yeah you're so
cool i've always wanted to be a cop
well you know you study hard and you be
good you can be a cop too one day
oh wow that's so inspirational i've
never heard any advice like that
hey ricky you got anything nice to say
to the kid jessica
get back on the horse oh god i thought i
lost you again come on
sorry about this voice all right well
thanks for buying
girl scout cookies i'll see you boys
later i love this town dad
uh ricky you know there was no horse
though right
yeah the whole thing was pretty weird
yeah guys ride an invisible horse
goddammit jack you know why we're in
this neighborhood don't you
we're in this neighborhood because the
commissioner doesn't trust us
yeah we've been put here because there's
no cry all these best guys are
down by the dockyard they're all down by
the dark yard ricky
oh would you like a bundle of happiness
from this neighborhood
why is everything in the car regular
and everything outside the car irregular
play you know what we're good for
happiness oh that's a terrible shame
outside here it's full of
happy all right all right we get it
dancing in the street for no reason just
cause i'm that happy
we could probably give her a ticket for
that
oh my god a clown with a squeegee
i'm driving all day
what's wrong with everyone here i don't
know rick you got to stop the car
welcome to the best stop sign in the
world
oh i hope you have a fabulous stop i
really do
listen jack
we're never gonna get promoted if we're
stuck in this neighborhood all those
guys down the dockyard
they're getting stripes in their arm all
the time yeah
you know and and with all the crying
there they're getting promoted
getting raises taking their families on
vacation a
cove beach you know how much i want to
take my family to cove beach
i've always wanted to go to cove beach
god
[Music]
you know what ricky you're right we need
to get our act together
you know there's got to be i don't know
something in this neighborhood that we
can arrest her
is a little too happy here you know what
i mean you know what jack
if there's no crime here we could
[Music]
always i love that he's outside the car
but he's still
holding the wheel
why is that yeah we find this out and
then very soon this scene ends
and we cut across town and we're gonna
meet
we're gonna meet some criminals who've
identified
a soft spot in the police's armor
and they're in um it's a special effects
scene and they're in their kind of
hideout
play i'll hold the wheel you take a load
off
thanks i was thinking you know it's
if there's no crime in this neighborhood
we could
we could always create some cry
what are you saying you know what i'm
saying jack we can't break the law to
get ourselves up the ranks
ah why not come on it's our turn our
time to get some right
it's our turn to arrest some perps and
get up the ranks the right way
yeah well what if we got some perps
arrested and went up the wrong way
would you be against that ah ricky i
don't know how i feel about that
that would be illegal we're supposed to
stop people doing illegal things i'd
have to stop you
just think a whole weekend at cove beach
with jessica think about it
i'm getting a donut
well well well well well well well
well listen let me smoke that for you
you smoke this for me
i get it nice and moist please moisten
it right up right at the tip so the
tobacco falls back into my mouth
i know i know how you like tobacco in
your mouth and a
and a beautiful sunset you got both here
in the jungle hideout
at classic city jungle hideout
now chilly
shelly it's certainly chilly in here you
know that
i bring intelligence do you are you sure
i mean and i bring might and i
bring to becco in the mouth listen i'd
be staking out the uh
new cops in town the soft part of town
huh
that's right that's very nice i like the
intelligence that you're bringing suck
on that
and i think the softest part is the
heads of the new
police officers they brought in the
brains like coupon babies
exactly right the fontanelle that's the
one
you've lost me now boys i
i reckon we can make a killing what you
mean kill people
i mean money oh thank god because he
gave up killing years ago
so long ago the last person you killed
1983
janine yeah i split her throat
sorry kids grizzly you apologized to her
children as he did
yeah they won pause pause pause less
about that awful crime
and more about a future crime also there
is a really great bit where one of them
drinks from the fountain play
waterfall play now
so they've got soft squidgy brains you
mean they're just stupid or they
actually have a problem with their brain
i think they're newbies i don't think i
know what they're doing
that's why they got put on the south
part of town i see so that
would make it right for us to creep on
in
right for the picking pick up that's
right
okay so let's do a few deals there why
don't you
and your your girl scout daughter you go
around and deal things out of those
cookie boxes no one will ever suspect a
thing
we'll do boss
are you thirsty no you take a drink out
of this are you sure no this fountain i
built it just for you okay oh
here i go i know you can oh gonna go
nice and low and then
that's exactly where i want you nice to
know tuck your head back back
there it is
[Music]
[Laughter]
i have but one piece of advice for you
she don't need no no advice she's a
criminal mastermind
fair enough oh no i'll take it back no
no no no it's very clear
you do not want the advice you know how
old waterfalls are
very old and wise 20 years how dare you
i'm 4000 years old i've been carving out
my plunge pool for centuries
what's your piece of advice my piece of
advice is
moisture is always the key
just as i thought yeah i think i see
this cigarette again one for me one more
time
and go and wet my shoes you want me to
wet your shoes yes before i go to bed
that's how i like
[Music]
yes i love the beginning of this scene
one army commanding like character
looking unsure and nervous before
running
but let's rewind that rewind rewind
rewind rewind rewind
pause yes pause the definition of
ponderous
play
and cut there
i mean what do you guys want from me
it's an advert for the cops i mean i
i'm not an actor i'm i'm a cop okay well
uh absolutely well go take it from the
top and uh
this time just come in with a gun
brandished and uh right and scream the
line
sorry what what is going on what's
happening
we had a really great opening scene
we learned there were two cops not
particularly good at their jobs
maybe they were going to create some
crime of their own we
have another criminal gang they're kind
of weird and by a waterfall
but now this is an advert for the cops
by a cop but why play
all right so i'm going to brandish the
gun you know guys i really have to get
back to work there's a lot of crime
going on and if i'm not out there then
these criminals are going to be
doing crime
[Laughter]
fantastic hilarious from the top all
right from the top
duh put your face down get you get your
face down on the ground this is a cops
you're safe now you're safe
i'm sorry
i'm sorry to interrupt but the thing
that i love is why is
nobody helping her why are they just
leaving her
she's literally mouthing to help me and
they're all moving
further away
let's watch it continue play so that was
that good
that was very i tell you what we will
put the second cop in the scene
sure absolutely you know what in fact i
hate it get out
[Laughter]
put your face down on the ground put
your face down
you're safe now and that's a wrap
and that's how it's done boys that's how
it's done
nope nobody okay it's just me god give
her
the champagne that's just
oh wow thank you so much that oh thank
you claude
poorly done claude it tastes good
mmm i'm very grateful see you later all
right all right
we're finished for the day sir it's 11
p.m
uh we're all going to go home now of
course of course
right this scene ends with a slow
zoom on this character's face and if you
look really carefully
you can spot the moment her soul dies
and then we go back to our lead buddy
cops who are toying with the idea of
committing their own crimes
bye
okay i'll see you later then theo
just locking up now
[Music]
alarm system activated
who am i
[Music]
who am i
i'm leaving now
oh if ever you
needed proof that this was improvised
i believe you've been giving it but now
we really must press on
with our main story and we go back to
our cops
hey did you see that commercial they put
on the other day wow i mean that cop as
an actor amazing i know it's so good
so good hey yeah listen jack
[Music]
take a look at this file
is this
is that her that's her i thought
i thought we put her away no
that's just it you see she was
like i can see her right in front of me
like it was yesterday i know
here she is holding that tray of drinks
and there she is blowing bubbles at her
it's a weird memory i'm really foggy on
the details ricky do you think
maybe do you think maybe they're back
do you think maybe they're the ones you
know causing all the trouble down at the
dock
maybe look jack we should check it out
we should go down at the dock i know
it's not our jurisdiction but you're
right
hey what are you two doofus is doing in
the break room you're not on break
nothing super we're just having a break
hey great job with that commercial the
other day
really stellar to work no problem no
problem i guess they use the real cops
for the commercials huh boys
hey did someone mention two doofuses oh
there they
are
come on guys it's not fair you guys go
down the docks all the time that's where
all the crime is okay if we went down
the docks we'd be making like 10 arrests
today as well yeah like 12. yeah i'm
sure you would but
but you just get to drive around the
happy-go-lucky neighborhood and sing
songs to little children yeah well you
know it's stressful down at the
happy-go-lucky neighborhood
you ever try it it's stressful sure we
tried it right right when we were kind
of starting out
yeah we moved on to the big lady stuff
you know what i mean
you know what don't worry guys you you
couldn't handle
the docks all right so just uh you keep
to your neighborhood and we'll keep
we'll get to ours you trim your beards
listen to your smooth
radio you know have a nice time eat your
donuts chill out
hey we do more than just trimming our
beards and eating donuts you know yeah
sure yeah yeah ricky what do you do what
is it ricky yeah well we
just recently we were dealing with we
were we were
you know it doesn't matter okay because
we're good cops okay and
you guys just stopped sneaking at us
okay 100 uh we
here we go very serious faces i can't
even believe
that we used to go out i mean seriously
what was i thinking huh
ouch ouchie come on elisa
let's go later boys see ya
you know there's such a couple of jerks
i know you know what jack we're going on
the dockyards we're going down there
right now you with me
yeah i'm with you is it jack and ricky
time
because i think it is yeah of course
yeah we're about to hear their theme
tune as they head down to the docks
play yeah let's get the car i've been
keeping you steering
[Music]
is
[Music]
let's sculpt the joint out leave the
steering wheel here
jack and ricky jack
[Music]
oh
who is the lost gentleman in the
background
doing a lot of i'm lost neck acting
play man
it's weird down in the dark there's a
lot of shady figures
sir you're like lost this is something
nypd can help out with
you fellas don't know what you got
yourselves into what are you talking
about sir
i've been lost here at the docks for the
last five years
god that's unthinkable where were you
trying to go
i can't even remember
pull down he's dead did you even see
he'll kill them no
they just came out of the smoke the
smoke over the docks
ricky this place has given me the
heebie-jeebies
keep it you know what i mean maybe
there's a reason we're not supposed to
be down here maybe this don't talk like
that jack
we could do this all we got to do is
find this person
okay we find her we can put it back
inside then we'll be heroes okay then we
won't have to commit crimes of our own
a bird killed by sound
it was me it's you
like a dolphin you killed this bird with
a dolphin
sound yeah the docks are a super weird
place they're real dangerous ricky we
need to be on our guard
okay let's go into this cd barn fellas
wait up
cookies did you want to buy any girl
scout cookies
here we'll take a couple of girls cut
cookies yeah you're such an inspiration
to me i i followed you down to the docks
you
you said the whole town was safe so i
just assumed that was true
yeah well the whole town is it's pretty
sad you're pretty safe yet okay cool
being a real inspiration to my daughter
i can't thank you enough
well you know don't sweat it the empire
n y p n do
p d nypd nypd
we're just doing our job enjoy
thanks they were the same guys as
earlier i know right they seem kind of
weird here right no
it's like that doc changes you yeah
let's go into this cd bar maybe we can
find
out some information yeah
and then i told her i told her i could
have anywhere else
and she choose what he did
was very good i told him i said you're
not my first you won't be my last but
you could be my fourth if you like
who went for a walk down the path he was
mucking about
when he found out that life was a
massive
love all of you
yeah and he makes at least
five dollars play
another dollar for you sir thank you
that's uh
that's two dollars two from me that's
three dollars
excuse me i heard your limerick through
the door
here's a dollar four dollars that's
another one james well
okay i will there once was a person who
knew
that crime was a bad thing to do
he was very happy
until he got snappy and then
things turned awful blue a dollar
a dollar here you go hey a dollar for
your limerick
who are you you don't seem seedy
we're pretty seedy yeah we're real
sticky back up unbutton your flies
sure that's not it
that's not seating that's too you've
gone too far the other way all right
half button them down okay that's seedy
what
what the hell are you guys doing here
come on come mitchell what
are you doing what are you doing here i
am doing my job being an undercover cop
what are you two doofus doing today we
were just following up on some leads
yeah from a good neighborhood
how do you know about how do you know
about any leads here what do you know
well you know
ricky had a feeling that you know that
woman we put away
a number of years ago ricky had a
feeling that she's out
so we thought we'd come down to the dock
and see if we could find out some
information we're just doing our exactly
if we can
catch this escaped felon we can be good
cops look
pause what is happening in the
background
over the very important narrative
information
the narrative information at the front
is given more weight
and the extra work at the back is given
less weight
hey and she never repeated it again i'll
draw your diagram come on
look come on sit down you guys you're
you're both right
okay this this woman we put away
she's out and they call her the lady of
the docs now i know
you two have a history all right you
were the ones that
took her and you were the ones that got
her convicted that's right we put the
lady of the ducks away years ago
what are the only crime we've ever
solved i know and
good job because she's out and you're
here
it's not why we never got to hang around
the docks and find more perps
is that why we were put down to the
happy place instead of coming back where
all the action is
look jack you might blow our cover she
might recognize you okay
she she has a history with you
but this is our only shot this is our
chance
to be good cops like you and the other
cop
that was good and you know what he was
another good cop and she was named
elisa and she is a good cop and she's my
friend that's right
you know what i just want to be like
that like good cops well i'm gonna give
your guys an opportunity okay
you've taken some initiative you've
you've shown yourselves to be worthy
of dark work now what i want you two to
do
is get close to the lady you have a
history you can work
that angle we need to know what she's
doing
when she's doing it and most importantly
how to take her down nice all right we
could do that don't worry
we've got it all right i can rely on
youtube my cover is uh
kind of blown because you came here but
i'll be watching
all right from the treetops thanks
commissioner we appreciate it
she uh she likes to uh walk around the
cove at night
cove beach yeah coat beach talk that's
where she lives my god i gotta rethink
my holidays yeah i'm usually i don't
wanna go there anymore but
we gotta go there we gotta catch the
lady of the ducks come on jack let's go
all right
all right i'll see you guys back at the
precinct
yes ma'am ricky i think it's time for
jack yes and as that scene ends
without them finishing we go to cove
beach
where we see the lady of the docks who
was previously called
shelly waiting
for the character on the invisible horse
and we find out a little bit more about
exactly what they're intending to do
play come on christine
dunk your toes in get them wet yeah well
i'm just gonna blow up my my armbands
first no just get in here it doesn't
matter if you can squish not swim with
just paddling in the shore like a couple
of gals paddling at the shore
i'll stay just oh oh here it comes here
[Music]
thank god you're here get in the water
with me dip those toes in get them real
crinkly like you've been in the bath for
a bit too long but a
salty bath of seawater smelling that sea
air do you feel the vapors get your
lungs moist
oh i love to be a little bit wet what's
there yeah
they ate the cookies they ate the
cookies
well then it's planted it's planted
inside them
they've got a mouthful of drugs ah
that's just
excellent news now we need to get them
across the border and uh
extract the drugs on the other side oh
no you're thinking of mexico that's not
what we're doing here
we've just gotta make sure they uh
keep in the happy part of town you see
everybody's
focused on the bad bit the bit we
already cover
the bit that's riddled with police but
because it's so
magnetized we are free to reign
in the happy part are you going where
i'm going
oh always bars always and forever hold
on
further in the ceiling okey dokey
are you going where i'm going i'll go
wherever you go boss
boss you're not gonna go back to your
old ways though right boss i mean
kill them you slit in the throats of
children you mean
no i wasn't no well just a little
dastardly in general i mean
i never stopped being dastardly in
general did i
guess not boss no i just continued to be
moist and dastardly but
what i want to do is get a whole crew of
girl scouts
fiddling cookies all over the good part
of town
i can whip up some girl scouts for
fiddling if you want that box
that's not what this show is
but it does seem that shelley the lady
of the dock
is using the happy side of town where
the
cops are lax to sell drugs
and boost her criminal empire play
yeah do that but just make sure it's my
kind of fiddling not
your kind i can't
jack oh my god did you hear that did you
hear what they were saying but
there is crime on the happy side of town
after all they're committing it it's
just
under a coat of happiness ricky
this is a lot bigger than i thought we
came here to see if we could find shelly
the lady of the dark and we did and not
only do we find that
but all of the drugs that she's pushing
are over in the happy side of town i
know because they're in the cookie that
i ate
i'm the drugs mule
listen boys we shouldn't have spoken out
in the open so loudly about their crime
you were literally
behind me and you were in my waters and
people that tread in my waters i feel
now you ate some girl scout cookies did
you not yeah
do you know that they tasted a little uh
better
funny yeah sour like
tasted hilarious they tasted hilarious
huh
well yeah they did as a matter of fact
i'm feeling pretty uh
yeah you two are crooked
you're on drugs we're not cooking
they're not
it's not fair we thought they were just
cookies we didn't know that there was
drugs in them
oh did you not because that's not what i
saw i saw
two men willingly take drugs
on the job this way officer oh
these are the men commissioner these are
the men huh
yeah do a blood test on them on a urine
test and you'll find blood in their
systems
blood and blood
the eggs do a blood test and they find
there's blood in their system
but yeah this is a really big dramatic
moment in this movie
because our heroes are very naive
terrible heroes have been caught out
and things are gonna get really bad for
them play
we saw them down to sleazy's next to the
docks
commissioners they were just walking
right into the water
badges on guns in their pockets and on
drugs
what well this is just thank you so much
for uh for letting me know i i
will deal with them uh very
very harshly uh don't worry about it
thank you lock em up
commissioner you can't believe shelly
the lady of the docs yeah come on this
isn't fair
they gave us they gave us cookies and we
didn't know they had drugs in them and
i just look what is the number one rule
of a cop never
eat anything anybody gives you on the
street
i'm gonna just very quickly in the
director's car i'm gonna show you a
quick clip of the first
day of cop school
play test one
here is a burrito oh yes please now
rule number one never eat anything
anyone gives you a cup
no what if it's tasty no
pause we go back to the main movie but
yeah
they've done it now they've done it now
and they are in
disgrace play commission you know what
you two
this is the last straw okay look i gave
you a chance
you were in on something big and you
blew it your badges
commissioners your badges
now go home to your families and
we'll have a talk on monday about your
future no
jack ricky i did it what did you do you
just shot the commissioner i know
i committed a crime this is perfect to
see we can solve the crime quickly throw
her in the ocean
a cop in the ocean
[Music]
ricky we are in so much trouble
jack we're in it together you and me
since the beginning it's always been
ricky and jack jack ricky jack
we're bad cops bad cops we're back
[Music]
cops ricky and jack
[Laughter]
[Music]
[Laughter]
that wasn't the only moment of silence
we're going into an amazing
silent section of the movie
[Music]
play
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Music]
okay
[Music]
laughs
who is the woman
aren't you glad we didn't watch an hour
of that
who is the woman chasing the cop trying
to grab
his ass what was that
what it what we learned there wow a
section of the movie
that only asks questions and provides no
answers
but yeah they've committed a crime
there's a cop in the ocean
and there's only 15 minutes left of this
movie and there's
so so much still to come play
[Music]
oh it's you good we touching our own
asses there
i think someone was touching my ass
there
goddammit i hate the backyard ricky
liver it for a dollar no all right okay
right i don't think you really wanted to
do one
listen jack this is perfect
we should just find the body right now
and then call
the super commissioner down here the
super commissioner
[Music]
ricky i don't know what you were
thinking killing the commissioner like
that
listen jack if we catch the killers of
the
commissioner we'll be the top cops in
the whole district
but you killed her that was an accessory
super commissioner
this is officer jeff
[Music]
vicky jack this super connection
have you disturbed the super
commissioner for i'm sorry
it's the only thing we should disturb
the super commissioner for
the murder of the commissioner
[Applause]
we just found a cop right there in the
ocean
look you can see her being washed up on
the beach thompson retrieve the body
[Music]
who did this we have a strong lead isn't
that right jack
that's right okay the lead is we're
blowing it here
that's right ricky we think
it's shelley the lady of the dock
who killed the commissioner and we think
shelly the lady of the dark is over in
the happy part of town
i can tell when you're lying die
[Music]
i'm laughing tell me what happened here
we think it's shelley the lady of the
dock i'm sorry super commissioner i uh
listen jack killed the commissioner
what i knew thank you i'm sorry this is
the only way i could get him here
promotion in your future here i'm sorry
jack ricky you know
what are you doing a bad thing i'm sorry
you've got to pay now
cops in prison don't last son beat
come on okay bad fricker bad
bad i'm
a bad
no jack
francesca francesca it's your birthday
as well today
isn't it yes yes it is happy birthday
francesca
and for your birthday i'd like to give
you a limerick
what would you like this limerick to be
about
um
about um a jazz club
a jazz club fantastic jazz
club i look forward to that lyric thank
you so much and happy birthday
back to the movie thank you play i'd
like a lyric
limerick about a jazz club please
absolutely no problem
you look like you're a man with pizzazz
i see where you're going
so i imagine you'll come to this club
that involves jazz because time is the
thing
and death has a sting
[Music]
but you got one more ass to go
so all of life has
pause that man
is a professional he's
being paid to do that
totally skillless totally skillless but
yeah there's so much to set up now
we're gonna find out is rick really
a bad cop what's gonna happen to poor
jack
what's gonna happen to elisa who
although a bit annoying
seems like a decent cop just a bit of a
jock and of course what's gonna happen
to the lady of the dock whose name is
shelley who hangs out with a guy
who believes he's on a horse or he's
riding an invisible horse
i don't quite get it play thanks
big two dollars wow i can finally afford
to go to cove beach
[Music]
hill beach
[Music]
jelly
i've done what you've asked very good
jack's inside
that's very good take off your shoes
take off your socks
dip your toes in the water make them
crinkly
i always loved you
it was never jack
i know and now he's finally locked up
we can finish this we can take over the
whole of good town
and we've already taken the whole of bad
town
so i've got one final question for you
what's that
are you going where i'm going
where are you going
i'm taking over the whole of good town
all right yeah okay
sorry
[Music]
i'll see you with the extension
cookies for sale cookies for sale
come on girls give them the cookies
oh wow these are delicious enjoy
wow oh i feel suddenly
bad
one of these bars is gonna break come on
you can try her you like it'll be the
death penalty for you buddy
super commissioner look i didn't kill
the commissioner
it was ricky ricky point blank shot the
commissioner
right in the face would you be willing
to testify in front of a court
put my best friend and pal behind bars
oh you bet
i could see what i could do for you
obviously you're guilty too but
how am i guilty i didn't i did lie to
you that's correct yeah i'm glad
plus you're his partner you're gonna be
complicit
super commissioner we need to stop the
lady of the doc
shelley ricky and i have information
that she's
selling drugs over in the happy party
you mean this shelly
[Music]
i'm everywhere [ __ ] super commissioner
you need to arrest her
here you go nice and moist just like you
like your biscuit
nice and moist without the tree chewed
without shelly
this department wouldn't run where do
you think our money comes from
all the latest tech and weapons i own
everything good town
bad town police department your face
your shoes
my shoes my face i own it all i'm sorry
and i'm just gonna stand here and watch
you suffer
that's right ain't it yeah that's good
that's real good
we need a full guy and i'm afraid that's
you if you need a full guy it should be
ricky not me
oh that's too bad
me and ricky we've had a secret
handshake for years the whole time i was
with you i was really with ricky's
a secret handshake you fell for hook
line and sinker
[Music]
what i knew how corrupt this whole
precinct was
i just needed a catalyst bring it out of
the ocean
that's right super commissioner you know
what the honorable thing to do is
i'm gonna be honest i'm quite glad that
character's gone
i never really walked to him and he
spoke so low and mumbling
that i never understood him either but
yes it would seem that sometimes to make
an omelette you've got to break a few
eggs
and sometimes if you're a cop you've got
to kill the commissioner
on the beach side in order to catch
another criminal
play of course i'd never kill the
commissioner isn't that right
commissioner it's amazing
[Music]
i've been sat behind bars waiting for
you jack i need a believable witness
you're the star of the show and i'm
sorry boss
i've chewed my last biscuit for you i've
been watching you this whole time i'm
sorry
but the way we cuddle the night
you meant so much to me you were you're
my only friend
there there was that guy on the horse
but jesus he's
horrible but you you were different i
know you
swallowed my tobacco i know but there
was a tracking device in the tobacco
and the armbands but your feet your feet
are so moist for me i mean
did that mean nothing did paddling mean
nothing to you it meant everything to me
because it enabled justice it's over
shelley
pause boss so i just want to point out
the sidekick
or melissa i'm not quite sure who it is
quite
throughout this scene her gun gets
larger
should like full-on bazooka size and
then a second later it's like a tiny
little pistol
it's quite the peace play
i'm the most high-tech weapons expert
there's a reason
ever seen well if i
if i'm gonna go out i'm gonna go out off
my face on all these cookies
i'll take her away eating won't fill
that whole [ __ ]
you're under arrest and you're under
arrest for the last time
my empire you're going away
for a really long time take her down
jack you got it it's
jack and ricky time
well what do you say commissioner i say
you did it can me and jack be cops all
over town now
of course you can you know what you
have earned this the super
commissioner's
pirate hat you're promoting me above
yourself i am
unheard of i've never seen such
committed work
together you two really are and you you
can have something
this stick you know what commissioner
jack deserves more than a stick jack
trusted me
even when things got tough i think you
jack
you're the real super commissioner
[Music]
ricky if i'm the super commissioner that
makes me your boss
and if there's one thing i've learned in
all this it's that we're equals
we're partners
[Music]
it doesn't get better than this and sure
doesn't rookie it sure does
the most fun you could have for a two
dollar entrance fee
oh honey we're gonna set up the picnic
the kids are on their way
hey i asked jessica to come along oh
you know what jessica your kids
you could cut the family yeah that's
true hey
i'm here you invited me i'm really happy
to be here oh
jessica it's uh it's nice to see you
here
so who is who is the family behind
him that they were literally just
referencing
they were just referencing is it elisa
we'll fight we'll find that out as the
movie comes to an amazing end
probably with a huge amazing
song with action montage
accompanying it play um so i thought
that was your lovely family and i i
thought
you invited me here sugar i started a
new girl scout
coming nearby
[Laughter]
[Music]
well i'm really happy to be here
everybody's talking about you the best
two cops in town
wow we sure are ricky put it right there
partner
we sure are oh my goodness
my limerick jar it's completely empty
someone has stolen all of my lyric tips
who would steal your livered chicks and
cold feet
[Music]
good
[Music]
crime that we can and throwing them
in the can it's what
good cops do
every day of the week cause we're gone
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
we never stopped
put it there
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
thank you so so much forgot which one
was my camera for a second there but
there it is
thank you so so much for joining us
tonight it has been so much fun
this has been mischief movie night and
we have shows tomorrow we have show
saturday and shows on sunday
including a late night show at midnight
on saturday especially for our us
friends and
anyone who just likes to be up late um
so
come with your suggestions and we'll
improvise a movie based on your ideas
until we can get this place nice and oh
the poster of course of course that day
off has made me forgetful
we have of course our amazing team who's
making a poster based
on our movie that we're improvising as
we're improvising now making a poster
for our movie
and let's have a look at it here it is
wow
that's very good that's very good the
tagline they're bad cops obviously made
just before the twist where they became
good cops again
um yeah thank you so much for coming
until we can get this place nice and
full
and we can all be together keep laughing
stay safe and we'll see you soon good
night
[Applause]
[Music]
hit it up
[Music]
up
[Music]
get it