[Music]
live from london and streaming around
the world
everything you'll see tonight is
completely improvised
this is mischief movie night in please
welcome your host
oscar hello
wow yes hello hello hello
hello good evening welcome to mischief
movie night in
welcome to our comedy bunker where
everything you see tonight will be
completely
improvised so without any further ado
let's give a huge new year's eve welcome
to our amazing improvised house band
it's ashani and richard they're
fantastic
yes as are our brilliant technicians and
camera crew putting all this together
for our wonderful improvising cast
[Applause]
[Laughter]
hello everyone my name is oscar and
welcome
to my new year's eve lockdown movie
night
here in my home cinema i have every
single film that has ever been made in
fact
i have every film you could ever
possibly imagine and tonight
we are going to watch one film for my
infinite collection of movies but which
one we watch is entirely down to
all of you the viewers in your living
rooms right now and your bedroom some of
you
streaming in from around the world this
is so
so exciting as we see out 20 20.
so without for any further ado i want to
know what we are going to watch
tonight so let's speak to karen and
alex first karen and alex give us a
little wave please
give us a little wave there they are
there they are so karen and alex happy
new year to you
and what i want to know is what genre of
film would you like to watch this
evening
magical mystery magical mystery
interesting okay
magical mystery what what is a magical
mystery
what what is that can you it's what you
get on a tour
i see i see if you could think of a film
that exists at the moment that fits the
description of magical mystery
can you think of one chitty chitty bang
bang
okay okay i see i see okay chitty chitty
bang bang so i kind of yeah all right
like a kind of magical quest kind of
story that's interesting okay great um
next
let's speak to um the wibblies give us a
wave the wibblies
there they are the wibblies the
wonderful wibblys there they are hello
guys happy new year
happy new year um a
tennessee williams style american drama
american drama fantastic wow american
drama tennessee williams not famous for
his films
but tonight maybe he will be fantastic
an american drama
a magical mystery and then let's get one
more let's speak to
deborah and chris debra and chris
whether you give us a wave there they
are
hey guys um what i would love from you
guys is one final genre of film what
would you like to see tonight
uh should we say the first one i thought
of yeah i think so how about a period
drama
a period drama i know that is a huge
favorite
from the cast maybe better christmas you
know something like that a period drama
set at christmas i i love that there is
genuine like jumping for joy
over on the other side of the room
because we never get a period drama and
everyone really loves to get them so a
period drama
so fantastic okay so our choices are a
magical mystery
a american drama or a period drama
um so what's gonna happen in a minute is
on your screens guys
a little poll will pop up and i need you
guys to vote so it's become more
scientific in the last two days
so if you want to see a magical mystery
i want you to vote for number
vote for number a i want you to vote for
letter a
if you want an american drama kind of
tennessee williams style i want you to
vote option b
and if you want a period drama maybe
said at christmas time but definitely a
period drama
then please vote c um police and i have
some choice
music please
what's going to be chosen we don't know
what's going to be chosen the rest of
the improv is much better than this by
the way
what's going to be choosing what's going
to be chosen it's a period drama
it's a period drama that is so
so exciting you have made a lot of
people's yeah
out here in our bunker sentence i never
thought i'd be saying
but but here i am um so this is maybe
this is maybe a period drama set um over
christmas we'll find out we'll let the
movie kind of discover that but what i
need is a brilliant location
for a period drama so can i please speak
to nigel kim
lois poppy and sausage the sausage
being the dog i believe i hope
is the dog sausage the doggy sausage
sausage there's two sausage double
sausage
that's fantastic that's fantastic and
guys what would you like to see what um
what location for this film do you think
uh we're thinking an aaa meeting in a
convent
and a i like a convent an a.a meeting
less period drama
maybe that happens but i quite like a
convent give me
give me some more information about
convents what do you know about convents
not a lot no no we live opposite one
okay a convent yeah i like that a lot i
like that a lot um and
um let's let's just see if there's
anything else let's speak to um
michaela and um michaela and idon there
you are mckayla and idon
hi who i'm very excited you're you're
you're joining us from israel tonight
right
that's very exciting i love how
international this whole thing has been
um can you guys give us a a specific
location
i thought about a crazy cat lady house
a crazy cat lady house
yeah i think there let's go let's go for
a cat house let's go for a cat house i
don't have a crazy lady
but let's go for a cat house that's that
sounds fantastic in fact
maybe both are in this movie i think
both
are in this movie um so what i need
finally is
bearing in mind this is a period drama
um it's gonna you know potentially begin
the convent there's definitely gonna be
some kind of cat
house moment as well later what i need
is a fantastic
title for this film give me a little
wave if you've got a brilliant title
that brings all these things together
yes the um um alwyn owen alwyn owen what
what have you got for us i'll win owen
cat in the habit cat in the habit that's
very good yes we're gonna go straight
away to that
cat in their habit
cat in the habit and um so it's not just
you guys though that are joining us
thank you alwyn let's let's let's put
our win away now there we go there we go
there's the full bunch
alwyn is beautiful but it's lovely to
see everyone rather than just
exposing alwyn all the way through
tonight um what um
what so all of you guys have obviously
given some fantastic suggestions but i
know that tonight there are 8 000
people watching us around the world um
and you've all been tweeting in ideas
and suggestions
so i'm gonna go over to bryony and dave
now
who are gonna let us know what those
ideas are over to you guys
hello and welcome to social media corner
we have a giant wall of your excellent
suggestions
fabulous um and we've been uh looking
through these for a little while we've
come up there's some
absolutely amazing ones in here now was
that is that there's a crazy lady in
this one right
is that right cat lady crazy cat lady
well there is now and she's called
penelope mayhem
from uh beck's what an excellent
excellent character name
penelope mayhem that is so good and i've
been flicking
back a bit further and i think this
would be good for mick
jones which is best product placement in
a film
so i think that we can we can deliver
that in this and uh oh another one as
well um
which could be good best use of the
phrase
alakazam
[Laughter]
another
and finally we've got from uh michael
winter
this is the award for the best use of a
pinky promise
for dramatic effect yes all right you
get that a dramatic pinkie pie so
a dramatic pinky promise yeah penelope
mayhem
yes best use of the phrase alakazam
and pro some product placement please
amazing oscar fantastic thank you so so
much we have got
all the ingredients to make an
incredible period drama
and also some ingredients that don't
necessarily make a period drama
but we'll certainly make something and
we'll find out what that is and so just
before we start i just want to remind
everyone at home what you're about to
see
everything is improvised the acting the
dialogue it's all being made up on the
spot the music is being composed at the
same time as it is played
all of this is being filmed and mixed
together and cut together
in real time this is genuinely live
there's no delay
we can't stop it once it starts we don't
know what's gonna happen
but we do know that it's gonna be really
really fun i'm so excited to share this
film with
you it's in my dvd player all ready to
watch
everyone around the world and on this
little screen here please put your hands
together
for our fantastic film which begins in
a convent while we meet a mother
superior
speaking to a young trainee nun
who's often got eyes outside
outside of the work of the lord thinking
about
other things please everyone put your
hands together for
cat in the habit
[Applause]
[Music]
play
dearest sister celeste
[Music]
i see you're tallying up
the the babies that have been brought to
us recently up on the
chalkboard yes that's right i've been
tallying them up and drawing tiny
pictures of them what do you think
i think it's absolutely fabulous work
darling oh thank you
i've also named them all uh this one is
called arlo
this one is called ludo they're very
middle-class babies
well we only let the middle-class ones
in here yes of course
absolutely and i know that you've got a
want
to go out and find the ones that have
a lesser life and bring them here and do
better you're such a
good nun oh thank you your training is
coming along
so well oh thank you so much i i did
want to talk to you about my training
i i've been having what some people
might call
inappropriate dreams
yeah do watch out for the easily shocked
nun
extras in the back but yet she's been
having inappropriate dreams
but she is at heart we hear a good
dutiful person who's trying to bring
help
not just to the middle class babies with
names such as
arlo but to other babies presumably
with other names play
yes that's right i said it inappropriate
dreams
the frightening small icons on the walls
father christmas and liza minelli
[Music]
i love that they're constantly watching
over us sister you are right and i will
i shall draw strength from them and from
you thank you for your guidance
i'm sure under your tutelage i can
banish those dreams of
young men in breaches riding horses
rhythmically up and down
you must never talk about the fun battle
do you know how inappropriate that is as
a dream it's not quite what i
imagined but yeah it would seem that her
dreams are kind of played out in front
of her
she's dreaming of a horse with a bad
back
and an ungainly rider riding nervously
upon the steed play
what sexy thighs you have arnold says
one to the other and then of course
arnold replies i have the sexiest flies
in all the land
and then the horses join him you are a
beautiful man
and you are a beautiful horse
let's just get together right now
and that's where it ends oh
sister celeste sounds to me that
like you're coming of age what does that
mean sister should i
sound like you may have the devil within
you devil within you
what's all this devil business oh father
sister celeste was merely telling me
about
the ladies dreams she's been having
dreams
nothing inappropriate i hope nothing's
for you to worry about father
just horses father just horses
all right i'll have to log it down in
the
dream log one dream
about horses if anything else
winds up in that dream you'll be sure to
tell me straight away must
never let the father know any more of
your dreams you are right and i
i shall not have them i shall banish
them i shall think only of
of the children and that's how i may
help the children
you know when you come to the convent
yes sister you give up
a life of men riding saddles
you give up a life of dreaming of
torsos and
arms and glorious things know that's
pause yeah this is the moment where we
realize that the mother
superior potentially also yearns
for an awakening of her own but she's so
so deeply oppressed at this point
play in the name of the lord yes sister
of course
so you no longer dream of glistening
torsos rippling muscles in this very
very tight
this sort of area with this material and
the kind of outline
of you know sister are you quite wrong
i'm feeling pain
in the director's cut in the director's
car there was a little moment where you
saw
mother superior watching a local stable
boy
working out in the yard just a little
clip of this it's pretty full-on
play ah it's hot today i better take out
this shirt
ugh phillip you're looking dry oh let me
grace you down thank you
guys thank you can we have some more
help in here please
bring me on all right scatter boys
i'm gonna lift these weights hey help me
jesus
we go back to the main movie we got back
to the main movie
well this scene is soon to end the scene
is soon to end
and we cut across to the local stables
we cut across the local stables
um but this scene ends with some
fantastic advice
or at least some advice that is from
mother superior to
sister celeste play mother superior my
my sin has weakened you i i am so so
sorry no it's quite all right it's quite
all right
let me help you oh
my dear sister's celeste yes sister
penelope banish these thoughts i shall
away
yes please and remember
as i always say as you always say the
best thing
a woman in didn't need can do
is it and have a tea
and a biscuit
i will do that a tea a biscuit and a
press
it shall see me right absolutely
remember the songs we used to sing about
it
yes let that wash over you and bring you
some peace and
thank you stay away from the boys
although i will need you to be tripping
down the
stables now i need you to bring me back
some hay
okay hey for the children to lie on all
these babies
in mangers that we've got we're going to
have to fill them with traditions
skip off down and remember stay away
from those boys
i will i will try my best i'll be here
praying for you my dear
dear god hello
i love the moment i love them and my
sister penelope really thinks this scene
has ended and the camera will cut away
from me
but then she is answered by god
this is a very brief discussion and then
we cut
to the stables where we meet a young
farm hand a young stable boy
and others play what do you
what do you want i'm very busy i have
seven billion people
on earth i wanted you to watch over
my lovely sister celeste she's in need
father
please won't you show yourself to her at
some point all right
i'll put it in my diary thank you come
on charlie follow me into the stables
your old dad
all right you know
i ever since when i came here from
chicago
why is the american in a period drama
set not in chicago
play being your long-lost son i've only
been here for a year dad and
i already gotta say i love it here well
you're fitting in perfectly son uh
ever since your mother stole you away
from me it's good to get you
back in the old stable yeah now bring
your horse in
yeah bricks all right boys settle down
come on time for a shoot
give me it give me it they're really
taken to this work
charlie i'm rather proud of you i gotta
say it's really rewarding work pa
i mean in chicago we don't have anything
like this you know
quaint family life looking out for each
other
now you don't have horses in america do
you no no
only camels only camels
pause pause i'm gonna very very quickly
in the director's cart
there was a clip of the young man riding
an american camel
i think you'll enjoy this
[Laughter]
play humps
are both on top of one another but yeah
he's about to ride it
play come on
can't wait you're all gay are you ready
all right
it's impossible i'm gonna do it three
hey
[Applause]
and that's why and that's why they
stopped using camels in america and
imported horses anyway we go back to the
main movie back
to the main movie
play you've been doing so well with that
horse charlie i've
i've actually got a little present for
you yeah
wickham so good to see you my friend
come give me a hug
what do you got for me i got a gift for
you open it charlie
see what you think i tell you what
it's the only one in the world
[Laughter]
dad it's it's a bible
the only bible left in the world
that's right son since the big bible
fire of two years ago
this is the only surviving copy oh well
i mean
dad i i'm your father simply wick him
stop calling him dad i'm sorry he's like
a father of me you
did you really get me this or did my dad
get it well
if you must know i got it well you said
get it
and i went to a lot of trouble it's the
last remaining
sports two big questions
what are they using in the convent if
they've got the only bible
who is wickham
play at the conference they're all just
trying to remember it frantically
dad i i hate to say this but i'm an
atheist
i went to the trouble i know i know i i
i said
we are no longer brothers
come on man we can lock up that bible
charlie you've disappointed me not
believing in god
christ almighty what are you thinking
you know we're god-fearing people here
absolutely you see
you're just looking at the sky and how
dare you are you saying god isn't real
you sound like one of the bible burners
to me
no it's it's not that god isn't real i
just don't believe in him you guys can
believe in him that's fine
i just don't i mean it's a really really
sweet gift
and and thank you for going to all the
trouble to get it and thank you for
thinking of it
charlie i just don't know who you are
anymore
working please if you want to reconsider
i'll be back in chicago
that's right i've sent him back to
chicago with the bible
i've seen you up at that convent riding
around on your horse with your
top off all oiled up you know i like to
be smooth dad
it's not all i can see the way you look
at the young
nuns at the nunnery
it's there's there's the
the sister there that she watches me and
there's the youngest sister which i i've
spoken to
once oh i i'm
so sorry interrupt i carried some hay
oh i mean i've got hair i mean hey i've
got hay
oh hello hey rick come on come on leave
her alone
uh i have to have hay you see for for
the young babies
of course thank you i will take as much
hay as you need oh i can uh help you
carry it up to the
oh thank you charlie that would be
wonderful but actually i have
surprisingly
strong body strength oh so he
lifted a lot of bibles before the fire
of course
now we just use ok magazine
dad we should tell her about the bible
we should give the bible to them
well your brother wickham is on the way
to chicago with it now
i forgot my hat wickham
the bible dad can can i can i give it to
her you're really going to let him a
non-believer give that bible to someone
of course not
charlie you think you can look at her
and have anything in common with a woman
of the lord
dad i i'm sorry
i'm just going to stand over here
because your horse is gesturing in my
direction
[Laughter]
wicks quick settle down settle down
i don't like it rear the horse charlie
please
have some decorum oh no
no that's not how we're seeing out 2020.
we're having a clean show tonight it's
beautiful
it's poetic and it's really really
magical very soon we get to see we get
to see
a little bit more of celeste play he has
been reared paul
thank you sister yes we have in our
possession the
last remaining bible in the world mr
cartwright
oh it is beautiful my son is not
unfortunately a god-fearing man
like ourselves it's true maybe you could
teach him
take him under your wing and show him
the way of the lord
i would be delighted charlie if you
would like me to
yeah yeah i would oh
hey wait twits come on that's not how we
treat people get out of here come on
um when do we start oh well you know
what they say there's no time like the
present
dad i i've shoot at the horses i've
reared them i've
stacked the hay in neat piles of course
go have fun son but remember
all i want for you is to believe in the
lord
pause yeah and mr wainwright mr
cartwright sorry leaves
in a particular way very of the times
play all right see you later dad goodbye
mr conrad
i bid you i do
[Laughter]
oh it carries up paul's force
is the director's cup in the director's
cut of the film i just want to show you
a clip of a lot of people
leaving a gathering
play well this was a truly remarkable
dance
you're truly fine good night everyone
good night
[Laughter]
we got back to the main movie back to
the main movie
and we've got some lovely stuff
perfectly set up now
obviously we've got we've got celeste
being
charged with showing with showing
charlie the ways of the lord
but we know that she too is doubting her
position
in the convent and hungers for a world
outside of it
so they're both kind of conflicted and
torn it's just
a perfect perfect kind of story play
so uh can you uh
read me a passage from no who cares
kiss me what kiss me all right pause
pause but
but unfortunately they are forbidden
because of the ye
old pandemic which means that that is
expressly forbidden
so they come up with a new way of
showing there are more for one another
play
oh no you are right we may be seen yeah
kiss alternatives kiss soldiers
oh thank you sir what have you got i've
got this this
is a ball that you could give to the
person you'd like to kiss absolutely not
no all right this is me
this is a uh this is another ball
that you can give to the best all right
it seems to me like you only sell one
product
i do only sell balls sir
thank you for your time
i shall kiss it and give it to you
charlie and then you must tell me what
you feel
all right get
this ball kiss that guy's ball now
you're giving it to me yeah
still probably quite plagia but never
mind
oh i uh what did you feel
well uh my heart started beating a lot
faster
i uh i kind of uh
i kind of just want to get out of here
and and go somewhere with you and just
kiss this ball all
day let's do that charlie yeah yes
there's a beautiful
a beautiful tree house down by the river
that i've covered in
portraits of men from my dreams oh okay
she has an exceptional amount of time on
her hands working at the coffin
it would seem yeah soon they skip off
and now we go to our subplot
which is back at the convent back at the
convent with
mother or sister penelope and father who
we saw
earlier and of course soon they're going
to realize that she's not
returned play i'd like to see some of
these drawings if you don't mind
i'd love to show you oh i should take
that bible i i don't want to arouse
suspicion
no but uh we're arousing something else
i don't know what that means i'm very
excited about us
[Music]
sister are you ready for the evening
register
of course i'm ready for the evening
prejudice pause for sorry to interrupt
i've just remembered the evening
register comes in the form of an amazing
musical number play
[Music]
i couldn't be more ready for it me too
we shall take off the names of the nuns
and see which are here and which have
gone shall
tick off the names of the nuns
we'll check that all their parts are
here
they're not gonna
[Music]
sister alexander
[Music]
[Applause]
sorry father but that's incorrect
there's only six of them in total
how can they not count the difference
between five and six
even going through it with such a slow
melody
play you've missed sister celeste
of course yes sister's the left off the
bottom she's not she's not back
she hasn't made register my god
we must confirm this sister
celeste are you here
no my god
you're right sister celeste is pissing
where could she possibly be we should
hunt her down
absolutely get the harpoons here we go
father no we haven't got the harpoons
out in here mr penelope it's the only
thing to be done
i already logged the dream she said it
was about horses
and i think she was holding back some
information
i think perhaps the dream was about
something more than horses
more than horses father don't look at me
like that
you know something about that dream no i
don't know
what did she tell you sister penelope
she said nothing of the source about
anything
she said she said she longed for more
she might not believe anymore father
i couldn't lie to you she says she might
not believe
perhaps instead of the harpoons we could
we could read scriptures from the okay
magazines and pray for her
pause because we hear just a little bit
of that scripture
we hear a bit of that scripture play
[Music]
katie price breaks up with her latest
boyfriend
victoria beckham redecorates her kitchen
[Applause]
pregnancies
[Laughter]
that none none peterson is less of
a with the scriptures yes that leaves at
least we go back to farther we go back
to father
and penelope and we find a little bit
about their relationship but also of
course now what they're going to do
it seems that penelope has given celeste
stock
must be said without it without really a
lot of duress
quite quickly kind of told on her
but yeah we're kind of we're at a big
moment in the movie play
we must pray for that sinner's soul oh
my god
i know we must think of a devilish
punishment to give her when we find her
and we will find her
devilish punishment yes a devilish
punishment when we bring her back here
it's a rogue nun you have is
never mind it's bishop chesman yes well
then it seems you're in need
of the people enforce her
[Laughter]
yes thank you for the suggestion of
alakazam
leading us to a disruptive
character but yeah it seems that all the
different ways to hunt down our
star-crossed lovers particularly celeste
are being called upon clay the papal
enforcer has arrived
you may try your harpoons but it will
not work if you've a rogue none in your
hands
no the church takes this thing very
seriously
we shall send out the papal enforcer
what does he do
what does he do i'll suck them all out
he will not stop
until either she is returned to the
flock
or he has taken a life ah i could smell
the devil from here
hmm please no send me instead perhaps i
can
i can i can change her mind i i can
bring her back to the lord don't you
ever seen the devil
i'm sorry sister penelope you may go and
look
for sister celeste but if the people
fall
penelope stops finding it hilarious
because she's very sad she's very sad
and soon she's gonna jet off on
horseback
to try and beat the papal people
enforcer
play if the papal enforcer gets there
first
he will do what he deems necessary
and that appears to be very very serious
i recognize you as a young nun
you nearly left a convert didn't you
having doubts is a young one
you owe me your superiority
of course of course i sucked right out
of me you did do you did you son
for that i am ever thankful yes i
chopped my lips on you
and you're welcome but i
i will go you you changed me
and i am now a mother of the lord and i
will change her i promise
please i must go
the movie does not continue until she
gets
a whistle sound out unaided
an unhelped ease off banned orchestra
it's all on her otherwise we're going to
be seeing
2021 watching a woman fail to whistle
play
come on boy you've summoned
whatever she's summoned soon we have a
special effects scene
of them either she's riding i'm not sure
if it's a horse or a person yet
but they're traveling as quick as they
can hey if you're looking for your horse
he had a devil in him and i killed him
this is the deacon he will take you on
his back instead
thank you jacob thank you so much thank
you for answering my little whistle
i only ride side saddle so
here we go
i'll get to her first ass kate
middleton's dresses
ah nice
if you're interested in buying a year's
subscription of hello magazine
then you can do so incredibly easily
over the internet which hasn't yet been
invented
okay yes
that was the product placement for hello
magazine
which i'm pretty sure should have been
okay magazine
but yet now before we have the special
effects sequence we do
catch up briefly we catch up with
celeste and charlie
who are down by the riverbank i believe
with all of her different
portraits of men she's objectified
and they're deeply falling for one
another
hi i gotta say those portraits are
really quite something oh thank you
charlie i'm glad you like them
i uh i notice uh
one of them uh kind of looks a bit like
me yes
i've actually got a hundred of you but i
thought it would be overkill to put them
up so
just the one my best one my favorite one
where you're a
tennis player oh yeah and you know i i
played tennis back in chicago
i know i i heard you talking to your
father i know all about your life in
chicago and
i know you weren't very happy there no
my
my mom was real difficult you know women
are the worst
no don't say that you're a woman and
you're amazing
that's true i am look i
i'm worried about my dad i you you don't
seem to care that i
that i don't believe and when i said
that i don't it
broke his heart and i i lost wickham and
and i don't know what to do oh charlie i
think about you all the time
and and and i know i know it shouldn't
and and
i really don't want to but i i don't
have a choice
i i just don't think that's right i
don't think there should be
shoulds or shouldn'ts i think you should
believe what you believe and i believe
what i believe which is that i
really like boys and kissing and also
the lord and
i don't see why those things can't
co-exist did you hear all of that
wickham i certainly did father my
treehouse has been breached
i am disappointed in you what and i am
particularly
disappointed in you you have no
jurisdiction over me sir
i am a nun the only person who can be
disappointed in me is our lord he is
he's not a person he's
a you know omniscient being but you were
supposed to be teaching my son
dad she is teaching me she's teaching me
about
how to be a person in the world how to
love somebody else
no matter who you are how to do erotic
drawings of men
god can do all of that
yes god not massively famous for his
eroticism and drawings
but that's the third chapter that's been
kept on the down-low
what happens if we're going to try
something new because it's our last
evening tonight
which is a really amazing thing where we
cut between two scenes
we cut between this scene here and we
cut between
um penelope and that weird guy with the
hats
and the deacon charging through the
forest or charging through different
locations
to arrive to get celeste and we cut
rapidly between the two of them and in
both of these scenes
penelope is playing the river and also
herself
play
we're already learning that maybe
technically we're not set up for this
but we're going to proceed we're going
to proceed
and kind of r d this in the moment
fly think you're faster than me do you i
do think i'm faster than you
son i've told you that ever since your
mother left me i would give my life to
the lord and meet
no other other woman ever and you must
do the same
it is not why you don't you're not
faster than me
i'm the painful enforcer i'll get your
hands off my impartial
i'm ashamed of you son and i always will
be what would you have me do dad huh
abandon the woman that i love yes never
look at her again you've taken a long
turn people in time
i'm following my nose you must always
turn
down the cameras are struggling
the cameras are struggling to keep up
the actor playing penelope is also
struggling to keep
up but it only gets faster the cuts get
more rapid
as the intensity picks up it is amazing
and thrilling
play i just can't do it dad we're
falling behind deacon
[Music]
grab your brother and pick him up
she runs into the wrong scene she
hasn't been in a single shot for the
last three minutes
all of the work is wasted no one can see
it except for the five people in this
weird bunker that we're in
but yeah yeah the secrets is about to
end the sequence is about to end celeste
no
yes celeste is left alone and broken
but soon either the papal enforcer
or penelope will arrive there's about 15
minutes left of this movie we've still
got two of our phenomenal awards to go
and of course all of our story still
needs to tie up
neatly and beautifully in a perfect
period drama
manner play here we are look
heavily a shortcut take it quick
dear lord please lord
dear lord please send me guidance
i love you lord and i love charlie
and i i believe i can do both
have i done wrong lord should i repent
should i go back or should i move
forward
celeste is it i could smell you a mile
off
named after the sky by stinking of hell
you might have heard rhyme and legend
about
do i repent pause
sorry to interrupt there two questions
one
why what's wrong with the papal
enforcer's throat
and two who is the man that accompanies
the people enforcer
and kind of seem to really sell him
at the beginning but then doesn't seem
to really have a place in the movie
play you may know my handler the bishop
hey
i'm i'm here to make sure the job is
done
well it is a terrifying duo and no
mistake
he confirms my kills and i take off his
chains
hi guys take her clear all right
penelope mayhem that's right
you thought i was the mother
here and i am but i am
penelope mayhem you have renounced that
name many years ago penelope oh i may
have
but once a mayhem always a mayhem
and you may have sucked the devil out of
me son
but i can suck the devil out of you much
better
[Applause]
[Laughter]
no not you again you released him
no it's all right look he is reformed
are you not look into the light my boy
just remember being a choir boy are they
wondering
woke up in chains i made you better i
made you stronger didn't i jacob
but it's the work of the lord it is a
sign
you you welcomed the devil into my heart
bishop
the work of the lord these two are in
love
and this man has returned to puberty it
would seem
taken you are of no more use to me
oh they're not in love i was wrong i was
wrong
i loved him but that is what true
worship of the lord means striking down
weakness even if you love it and that is
what you must do celeste
no so you're back are you penelope
mayhem
well this time it won't be so easy to
get away
tell you what if you renounce
that boy get him out of your life tell
him you're done with him you're sick of
him you hate him
i won't slit her ears don't listen to
him
i'd rather have my throat slit and you
find love
yes but can you have it on your
conscience the death of this poor lady
no of course not well exactly so tell
that
fella you don't want nothing to do with
him i'll be watching
pause pause pause yeah we're about to
get
to a huge huge moment in the story
obviously
our hero celeste she needs to get out of
this situation and she needs to run to
save
charlie who is in distress locked away
by his father as we come into the final
10 minutes of the show
play i'll be watching
i will do it penelope i promise you
follow your heart
i will and i shall give this man a
christian burial
good girl later look the stables wickham
look up charlie i'm sorry but this just
has to happen
but dad dad you're not listening to me
did you not love mom did you never feel
love in your heart did you not
wish that you could do anything to save
her our mother was a good christian
woman
how dare you compare that heaven to her
course i loved your mother
i loved you so much my heart burnt every
day
that woman changed my life i think you
might have loved it
very very very quickly for the
director's cut on father cartwright
with his wife very very short this clip
play i love you darling oh i made you a
deep dish pizza
[Applause]
we go back to the main movie back to the
main movie
i think i i think out of the 8 powers
and 9 of us are
watching i got that reference last
anyway back to the movie i'll stop
interrupting
we'll see how this incredible film is
gonna play out play
it was a passionate and fiery
relationship charlie
i loved your mother but she walked out
of our lives and abandoned us
and i have sworn to serve the lord ever
since and no woman shall change that
and no woman shall change that for you
charlie what about a woman
and two small babies one called arlo
and one called ludo celeste is that you
yes
it's me and i've brought
some beautiful innocent children don't
try and
blackmail us with those children i'm
going to
look at them look into their beautiful
open faces their lives ahead of them
yes well they look very cute in very
middle class that doesn't mean you can
just come in here
hold on hold on mr cartwright hold one
wickham
well i mean yes it's good tell them what
their lives will be
will they be believers will they fall in
love of course they'll be believers
will their hearts be broken of course
as everyone's is and how will they act
once their hearts are broken tell ludo
and arlo
what should they do apart from obviously
go to waitrose and buy some good quality
hummus
tell them well they should
after their hearts are broken they
should
they should look after one another well
that sounds nice
what else mr cartwright
you should learn be kind
be thoughtful and know
that tomorrow is a better day
funny looking at this child now i'm
reminded of when
charlie and wickham for young boys
i do love it when a plan comes together
yes you're quite right you know
you two should be together oh my gosh oh
my god
oh my god i was about to pick him up for
not supporting the baby's neck
but then he threw it on the floor wait
don't worry luckily we're in a stable
and the floor is hey
i have to take them back i you can't
keep them they belong to the
of course of course we can give back to
you goodbye we'll leave you to atlanta
come on
no wait there is one more thing we have
to do
uh we don't want to see that thank you
oh no not that also i don't know what
that is because it's 1800 and something
and we've had no idea lady penelope
as strange as it might sound has been
kidnapped by an evil bishop
god i should have mentioned that you
shouldn't tell them what i'm doing or it
really ruins the plan
i have to get these babies out the way
i'll be back
it's the last one we come unlock your
brother
hey you'll stay right there i'm doing
god's work oh
that strong boy from stables
that's right i'm really strong charlie
you're going to
save that rather arousing lady there
wait what excuse me
did you just say arousing sorry i father
so embarrassed
i haven't felt love sensual sting in
years
love always strikes when you least
expect it son yeah sure
heartbeating faster it feels like
it feels like it's on fire that means he
loves you
i've got a knife to my throat yeah you
can do something about that
it's really hard
what are you trying to do sir what's the
plan here well the plan was to make her
tell you that she wasn't interested i'm
going to be honest it's falling apart
you you told them what i was doing oh
bishop it's all right it's okay
i can already feel you softening
you can you can put the sharpened cross
down
no i can't i use can bishop tell us all
right
tell us bishop tell us yes what's wrong
bishop
what made you so emotional
oh dear oh lord that's right
let it out we were only children
we said we'd be together forever oh
we were in love we
we made a pinky promise oh how beautiful
not one of those oh
that's ever binding a pinky promise yes
you think so
but no she left me
ran away with some
stable boy with a hot torso oh
pause pause yeah i mean yeah actually
doesn't it doesn't matter it doesn't
matter
so anyway that's what you say she ran
away with some fella with a hot torso
and
so i turned to the church as a means of
exacting my revenge
on anyone who fell in love i
can't be happy they can't be happy
but it was foolish poor lost soul
well it's all right because we're all
here together now aren't we
wait a minute isn't that the father from
the convent what's he holding
up you killed my brother
charlie father i'm disappointed in you
you are supposed to uphold our
traditional christmas
christmas values christian values and
also our christmas values where's your
tinsel
sorry i lost it on the journey he
doesn't want the tinsel anymore he's
with us
this is the [ __ ] irrigation
annual paper the paint will be informed
what are you talking about all the
bibles were burned two years ago in the
great bible fire
it can't be it is he ordered us to burn
them
charlie get him with it i need you to
finish this for me son
beat him to death
but before things get too bloody and
horrible
celeste intervenes
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
can you hear that
listen again here it is
i can hear the voice of god hello
we asked you to reveal yourself to us
and you have reveal yourself to us
reveal yourself god
please let this mortal live he did not
deserve to die
bring him back to us lord i'm very busy
but loud you put it in your diary i
think
yes correct pause pause and if you have
been watching
all week you will know this is the
chance for this man the lord
to redeem himself all he simply has to
do
is name all the characters
who are present at the scene and all
shall be mended
and celeste and penelope shall be heroes
not just of the convent but of the town
itself
play good point celeste
and penelope i enjoy the scarf
i knitted it myself for you paper
enforcer
you must change your ways i shall
father of the protagonist in the story
in many ways god damn it
she stole his paws totally wrong totally
wrong
celeste is the protagonist and also he
has a name he has a name
play come on father you must know me
your name and all names from this day
four
shall be
[Laughter]
what i hope is out of most of the eight
thousand do you understand what that
means
well i'm sure some of you don't
definitely van tassel
was an absolute tragedy and a shadow
boss from two nights ago
which i believe was the night that harry
kershaw our actor lost his dignity and
pride
but we go back to the movie now for the
final couple of minutes play
he's he got the name right sister mayhem
is he coming back to life is he son
can you hear me charlie can you hear us
this is truth speaking to you now
walk away from the light challenge
it's a miracle oh the lord has saved him
oh my god that's right son
dad your god not your god
you aren't god no i mean
your god whatever that may mean to you
i don't know that it was god that saved
you
or if it was the love that came from
within celeste
it's a very powerful powerful thing
everything within me is powerful
like your heart is on fire according to
this bible you have here
they're one and the same thing the love
within you and the love of god
i've never read a bible like this oh
bishop this
mad bastard he switched out our bibles
and burnt all the others
yes we have to start again from scratch
yes and this bible now will be
reprinted and its message of love
and kindness will be spread around the
world wait
take off the dust jacket
okay magazine also available
in all good shops and it will not be
spread by us we've made too many
mistakes
think it's time for the church to be led
by
someone with a gentle touch penelope
mayhem
yes thank you what an honor
my children celeste yes sister i will
understand if you no longer wish to
serve
if you choose this instead
we're all happy for you what do you
think charlie
shall we have an adventure and i can
draw you in various erotic poses all
over the world
and i'll watch from afar and i'll watch
from close
no no thank you sorry i'm just still
adjusting
the new norm i
i think i would like that very much and
hey
[Music]
maybe you could be next
right the holy love
that you have found
wixed in us we find it all around
we'll kiss
it's in all of us and
all around
so if you want to fix it
then all you need
might just be a tea and a biscuit
then we'll all be free
so if you want to fix it
[Music]
happy new year charlie
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
thank you so so much ladies and
gentlemen it has been an absolute joy
to share the last six improvised movies
with you
being a jukebox musical a mystery
murderer
everyone's an animal or of course
tonight a beautiful beautiful period
drama that we've wanted to do
for so so long i know the year is about
to end but don't worry we are
very pleased to confirm that we will be
back in our comedy bunker
with more of these shows from the 23rd
of january
very exciting very exciting so we're
gonna take a tiny little break we're
gonna kind of work on our bunker
hopefully find a few new little things
judge it up a little bit find some new
games and we'll be back and those
tickets are on sale
now so start thinking about new
ideas new suggestions what you want
stories to be about what you want to see
us do
fun awards fun characters and we're
going to improvise
10 more movies from you all based on
your ideas
from scratch all that's left to say is
obviously we are seeing out an
absolutely
bizarre year um so you know if i'm sure
like so many people out there you've had
a tough time
you've found this difficult you've found
this challenging i know we all have
stay strong keep your resolve next year
we'll bring
much much better things we hope and no
matter what
the only thing i can say is keep
laughing because it definitely helps
until we can get people in rooms again
we've got to find new innovative ways
that we can be together
even when we're far apart look after
each other
smile and keep laughing we'll get there
in the end happy new year and we'll see
you on the other side bye
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]