[Music]
live from london and streaming around
the world
everything you'll see tonight is
completely improvised
this is mischief movie night in please
welcome your host oscar
yes hello hello hello hello hello
welcome welcome everyone to mischief
movie night in we are streaming live
from our secret underground comedy
bunker
everything you see tonight is going to
be completely 100
improvised so without any further ado
please give it up for our amazing
improvised house band
it's a charlie and richard they're
fantastic
so are all of our improvised technicians
and camera people and mixers who are
here and of course
our amazing improvised cast
amazing amazing hello everyone my name
is oscar and welcome to my movie night
here in my home cinema i have every
single film that has ever been made in
fact
i have every film you could ever
possibly imagine and tonight
we're gonna watch one film from my
infinite collection of movies
but which one we watch is entirely down
to all of you
people tuning in from all around the
globe so if you're watching in australia
good morning if you're watching in
america good afternoon and if you're
in europe good evening it's so good to
have you here
um very soon i'm going to come to you
all for ideas about what this movie is
going to be about
so let's meet some of our audience
tonight and let's find out what we're
going to be watching so first of all
let's speak to roger and victoria roger
victoria come
in please hello oscar hello oscar how do
you hear us
how are you guys how are you guys let's
let's get you up on the screen let's see
you guys there you are there you are
let's see you guys oh it's coming it's
coming
it's coming there we go hiya guys and i
think before we start congratulations is
all is in order is that right
yeah our 6th wedding anniversary
yes today yes congratulations to you
guys and
what genre of film would you like to
watch tonight
well it has to be romance doesn't it it
does i was i was interested
to see what you'd say because i thought
if you say romance it's going well if
you say horror
[Laughter]
okay romance fantastic all right then
guys well i will see you soon
let's speak to someone else let's speak
to the daniels family the daniels family
who've really made an effort they're in
all kinds of costumes oh no
look at all you guys look at all you
guys
and you are in the united states
whereabouts are you
we're in new jersey amazing you're from
england originally
that's i was going to say you don't
sound like you're familiar but you are
you're farming them but you're from new
jersey
yes you've kind you kind of made me
think this was more international than
it is you're just you've just sorry
you've just gotten over there yeah we
have one american
okay where's the americans then okay
then well i want
i want to know what genre you want to
watch tonight but let's hear it from the
american
where who is the american genre um
vampire vampire
teen vampire clean vampire amazing
vampire lots of teenagers oh teenage
teenage gangs okay amazing fantastic and
now let's speak to one
other one other kind of family and then
we've got our genres for tonight
um so let's speak to let's speak to um
heather heather bramwell how the
bramwell come in heather
hi hey heather how are you this evening
i'm very well thank you
fantastic fantastic and what would you
like to see tonight give me a genre of
film
oh um see i was gonna say horror but
now it's i feel like that's a cursed
genre
any other genre how about a western a
western fantastic i think that's pretty
good i think that's pretty good amazing
so yeah perfect right western so our
choices are either
romance for people celebrating their
wedding anniversary i'm not trying to
bias the vote but they're celebrating
their wedding anniversary
a vampire teen horror or a western okay
so what i want you to do is cheer
but because also sometimes zoom cancels
audio when everyone speaks
also wave and flap about like crazy um
so
give me a cheer or a wave if you really
want to see a western film one two three
just just the person that suggested it
really okay um what about a
vampire movie give me a cheer if you
want a vampire movie
[Applause]
[Music]
that's looking pretty positive pretty
positive
uh unless of course you want a romance
movie one two three
oh it's clogs it's close you know what
it's definitely a vampire movie that has
a huge
and it has a huge romance story that
weaves throughout it so it's a little
bit of a little bit
it's a romantic vampire movie so it's
scary but my god there's some passionate
love in there
as well um so what i need now is a
fantastic location
for this film so somewhere that you'd
really expect to kind of set a vampire
love story in um maybe let's put someone
on the spot
um let's speak to john dunning who
is dressed as werzel gumbich i think
come in john darling
sahara desert sahara desert that's not
really great for a vampire movie what
would be great guys
is do you have a suggestion that's not
necessarily just a big geographical
place but something more specific
like a bar or a or a stationary shop
something like that
look at you two you're just wonderful
aren't you buckingham palace
buckingham palace yeah okay i do i
certainly like a palace whether it's
buckingham i don't know but
i'm gonna go for a palace i like a
palace so okay
so we've got this is gonna be this is
gonna be a vampire movie
with romance that at least begins in a
palace
okay what i need now is a fantastic
title
for this film so participation team
please give me a wave please give me my
petition
patient team back put them back up here
put them back there we go
um please give me a wave if you've got a
fantastic title
if you've got a title for this movie
what would you like this film to be
called
angus burns i'm gonna go to you i don't
know whether you're waving because
you've got a title or just because
you're
really happy right now angus burns
let's see you let's see angus
have you got a title angle i have a
right royal bite
a right royal
bite okay yeah okay kind of kind of
kind of old-school british kind of
slapstick kind of title
not bad um let's let's let's see
it's got it got a mischief t-shirt on as
well let's let's get one other idea from
anastasia anastasia um have you got a
title for this film
yes um it's my mother's favorite joke
it's
i found it in the bushes i found it in
the bushes
and that's your mother's favorite joke
it's because i mixed race
so um like i look more asian but she's
white
so she likes to joke that she adopted me
after finding me in the bushes
[Laughter]
that you guys seem to have a wonderful
relationship
all right all right we've got two
different titles
one that makes me worry about a mother
and her daughter's relationship
and the other there's more traditional
so let's have let's
let's let's have a wave let's have a
cheer and a wave so who wants
a right royal bite give me a wave and a
cheer if you like a right royal bite
it's not doing bad it's not doing bad
okay it's looking like it could be that
and then the other option is i found i
found
say it again anastasia i found it
yeah you did say it yeah i found it in
the bushes give me a wave if you want i
found it in the bushes
by the suggestion in general even more
surprised by its backstory
but i'm surprised it's been chosen but
it is i found it in the bushes is the
dvd that is
in my dvd player all ready to watch but
just before we do it's not just you guys
that have been suggesting ideas we've
also got loads of people right now
tweeting and sending ideas right this
moment so i'm going to check in with
bryony and dave to find out what's being
suggested on twitter
hello hey guys hello sort of green
screen social media corner
uh we have some amazing suggestions
coming in uh so we're just going to
scroll through them now
we're also checking them out here
because you guys have been sending so
many in
and we are uh we're moving through them
all so good
i've actually got a really good one here
a little further back
from sarah fellows who was suggested
uh that this film won an award for most
unexpected use of a blizzard
all right which i think is pretty good
it's an unexpected blizzard and i think
that's pretty good for a vampire film
blizzard very good all right jason
frank's here
saying i'm drunk okay well good luck
following along
jason okay here we go mel webb
mel webb award for most dramatic opening
of an umbrella i think we do have a
couple of umbrellas so
arm yourself mel when probably one not
open an umbrella dramatically
i like this one from i like it kieran
sandwich yeah
best called corpse that's laughed by a
courtroom
i assume you meant corpse but by a corp
like a sort of marine corps
of people no best courts by
corpse have you got those officers i
think that's so good
he's got him he's thinking you like
those three oscars i think he's gonna
take him i love
i love all of them i love all of them
sorry i wasn't
i wasn't ignoring you i was just
furiously writing stuff down
brilliant so we've got you know we've
got a blizzard in there that sounds like
that could really massively affect our
story so that scares me but that's in
there
i love dramatic dramatic opening of a
bralette and of course a corpse in
corpse a laughing corpse
we've got everything that we need now i
think i cannot wait to see
this movie it's called i found it in the
bushes it's an amazing vampire
story full of teenage angst and teenage
romance and it begins in a palace it
begins in a palace where we see a
father we see a father and his young
teenage vampire daughter and here is and
they're they're kind of talking
over breakfast as they often do about
the future
this is going to be amazing people
watching all around the world
just to stress again everything you're
about to see is totally
improvised the music you hear is being
made up on the spot
every bit of acting and dialogue you
hear it's being made up on the spot all
of it is being mixed all the camera work
everything is all improvised it could
genuinely go wrong
we haven't done this much particularly
in this setup so we can't wait to see
what happens
please all put your hands together for
i found it in the bushes
play
the year is 1553
in the palace of versailles in the hall
of mirrors
the king of france speaks to his young
daughter
father don't you enjoy
your breakfast in the hall of mirrors i
do not enjoy it
eating pig again we are vampires we
should be feasting on the blood of
humans that is right but we have not
seen human around here for many many
years now
no they do not venture up to the castle
like they used to
world has spread that there are vampires
here
it's true father do you ever look into
the mirrors and
wish you could see yourself back i gave
there and i see nothing
but but nothing apart from this peak
i see that with me i see nothing
esmerelda you are always wishing for
these things you cannot have
wishing that you could be human it is
pathetic
we are vampires we are vampires who have
simply lost their veins
pause pause yeah amazing we're already
learning we're already learning that
esmeralda wishes
she could be human but obviously she is
a teenager so we do see from what i
remember
a little more angst in her performance
play but the father
[Laughter]
[Music]
about this you you are ashamed of your
teeth you are a vampire
you want to go to school with the humans
it is disgusting
you're disgusting dad
wow she's angsty but also pretty
anti-social and abusive
but yeah she it's really tough she has a
really difficult relationship with her
dad
but she does have a best friend so
there's a little bat
that you'll get to meet later on play
sorry papa i just spat into my mouth i
know
blood straight into your mouth
boss sorry to interrupt again just just
to remind
the film that we are in a pandemic so
spitting it at one another
probably probably not
the most advisable course of action play
but father you know as you say
human people they have not come here for
for many many years now what if
what if i went out and and found you
some
brought him back for you to feast on no
would that not be
the most amazing thing you could feast
on the human flesh again like your
favorite way
that would be good
i am so sick of eating this pigment igor
[Music]
oh
[Music]
did
yeah this actor had a real difficult
time learning his lines and occasionally
he forgets and he just kind of makes a
lot of sound
just going to rewind this rewind rewind
rewind
pause play it's milder
i love it when you speak to me in the
ancient tongue father the ancient tongue
of this
france where we are
we came here from transylvania
pennsylvania and this was the ancient
transylvanian tongue that you speak in
it's so beautiful it reminds me of
mother does it not you
i do not like to speak of her i know
your poor mother
killed by a human the damn vampire
hunters
they have hunted us almost to extinction
look at us now how we
cower in our palace
[Laughter]
it is almost dawn now
must retire to my coffin of course
father
you will let me go find the human yes
perhaps is not there perhaps why don't
you stay here and chat with your bat
badly
[Music]
sup girl there you are my friend
you must never let father hear you
speaking
in your american accent he does not like
the the human way like
yeah your dad's just the dude so true
badly you are my only friend
you bring me the berries to eat sometime
and they're the food of the humans like
the lint
chocolate things i love the lint
chocolate
did you want to get out of here right
you want to go and meet a real human
oh badly i want this so much
do you think you could fly me there
oh i sure can but dawn is coming
you get some rest of course tomorrow
night
meet me here at midnight i'll turn you
into a bed and we'll hit the town
thank you bentley i love it so much all
right tiny bat high five
take care i love you good night good
night
yeah i love the way igor just got our
hands at the back
it's really unclear whether he has
anything to add or whether he's just
kind of been caught there
gonna press play and it very quickly
becomes clear if he has anything useful
to say or if he just wants to leave now
and quit while he's ahead play
i'm just sweeping
all right and that scene ends there that
scene ends there and now we cut across
town we cut across the ancient town of
france we cut across
to a house that for the first time is
about to be inhabited
by humans a father
and his young son
and we learn a little bit about what
they're both doing there and what their
relationship's like
also something is in the background
we'll find out what play
isn't it exciting keith i mean look at
this
all of this and the best thing
listen look out there
that vista just beautiful
full of shrubberies and bushes and wood
and it's all ours dad all of it
me and you moving here to forget about
mum
yeah i've totally forgotten about her
already i mean yes
i can't remember anything about her no i
don't remember the way that she
looked at me when we last saw each other
i don't remember the seven years
so what is behind them what is that
there was one then there was loads of
them but they're still unexplained
play fold down
sofa
i think this fold down sofa is exactly
the kind of thing that petunia would
have hated us having
but you're all about being modern dad
and moving forward with the times
this new sofa really
really makes me want to lie down well
why don't you stand
all right
[Music]
i thought that perhaps we could talk
about why we're really here
all right i'll get up there why don't
you uh
go and unload the ammunition over there
of course father
fantastic pass that three gauge over
here
thank you you see this gun
loaded with silver bullets will destroy
any vampire that petunia didn't believe
existed in the first place that we
see you see verse time has a history
an exciting history a wonderful history
that's been here for the last 200 years
of course it was mother that was killed
by a
so vampire didn't believe in vampires
so keith has become a vampire catcher
presumably
to prove to petunia that vampires exist
unfortunately per junior was killed by
vampires
i love this scene i love also later it
ends in an amazing musical number
all about catching and killing vampires
play
and what lesson do we take from that
keith
that vampires are real exactly if
petunia had believed that
years ago then maybe she wouldn't have
been killed by one she'd still be with
us dad
she'd still be with us now i hate
vampires and i always will and of course
you should
of course you should every vampire is a
disgusting
termite on the foot of existence that's
right dad
and i just can't wait till i come face
to face with one
and put a silver bullet right in their
skull
and keef you will you really will
killing a vampire is easy killing a
vampire can be done
in one easy step tell me how chad
[Music]
one thing you need
[Music]
head you gotta put that
bullet in a vampire's head
you're gonna put that put it
in a vampire's head
[Music]
bring our mother back just your way
[Applause]
[Music]
you gotta put that bullet
in a vampire's head
you gotta put that bullet
in a vampire's head and if you
put that bullet in a vampire's head
then that vampire
dead
[Music]
right
[Music]
up
[Laughter]
amazing amazing amazing as much as my
lonely applause echoes around our
socially distant studio
that scene ends there and now we go to
this
incredible incredible special effects
scene
where we see we see esmeralda and her
pet bat batley flying through the sky
play
badly have you got me that tried to take
me by the shoulder
lead me through the forest
you will have to guide me because i
can't see a little to the right
badly not the land set the right on the
left that's right
just forward a bit what are you hoping
to find
when we meet the humans well i
i suppose i am looking for a big tasty
human to take back to papa right
is that really what you want you want to
take back a human for your father father
to eat him
oh badly no
oh you're so good you see right through
me right into my brain
i do not want this
yeah as they fly the horizon changes
and it is incredible how artful and
subtle
it is play
beckley we have flown so high you have
taken me out of orbit over back down
well done you take me back down now
no i was just saying badly that i
i long for human touch you know
human kiss i know my teeth are always in
the way
and i i'm often scared i will be thrown
in by the blood the smell of the blood
what's the tree oh thank you
and wants to bite but wouldn't it be
lovely to kiss human badly
have you never longed for that yeah i've
longed to kiss a human
but i'm just a bat until the spell is
broken and i transform
back nothing's ever going to change for
me
i know that your heart doesn't beat
anymore but
i know you yearn for love
maybe we'll find someone but we won't
tell your dad huh
no please do not tell father and when we
get back
i promise i will make sure he undoes
your
curse and turn you back you promise
i promised that for you badly all right
okay we're coming into land i see little
house take me down
what an absolute fiasco
what an absolute fiasco definitely
versailles represented by the london
thames
and of course the reveal of the man
playing the bat
in fact let's rewind that that's too
glorious not to see again rewind rewind
we might be winding wide
okay pause play
we are here take me down that way
[Music]
yeah we just stay on the river
for ages no we don't we now go back we
now go back to keith's
son who i don't think we've got his name
yet and he's
he's walking the streets buying some
breakfast
alone when suddenly he bumps into
this amazing girl play
breakfast breakfast for sale bagels
bagels get your bagels
well i'll have a bagel please one no
bakers now
there are lots of bagels please ignore
him he's a horrible man
well one bagel for me please thank you
breakfast oh breakfast oh david i'm so
david forgive me here have a babe thank
you david
[Music]
oh sorry sorry i'm so sorry so sorry my
little
i just came i was hello
you seemed to come out of nowhere and
bump into me oh yes i
was just out for my evening stroll
like a real girl make sure you stay in
the shade because it's breakfast yes
thank goodness i brought my umbrella
with me
bentley bring me some bella
jump
[Music]
is that a royal umbrella it is a royal
umbrella
my word your royalty well
yes i am are you royalty too
no no i'm just a simpleton from england
wow i came here with my dad sorry my
name's um my name is sean
sean it's a nice nice to meet you
sean esmerelda you are
bought ham sandwich did you well yes a
ham sandwich in a bagel
bagels heart-shaped bagels
bagels for the beautiful lady
oh heart-shaped bagel like a mouth
would you like it i'd like to drive
course
who is that woman i kind of feel like
she's not even in the movie she's just
kind of wandered in here
and got involved but of course yes she
might seem
just like a crazy crazy bagel
salesperson
but before she leaves she does impart
some incredible
advice and she also does one other thing
that's quite amusing
participation audience give me a wave if
you can remember the amusing thing
that the bagel lady does give me a wave
if you can think of something if you
don't wave i'll call one of you out
yes alyssa and carol let's speak to a
lesser and carol come in and let's run
carol
hello hello what does she what does she
do
oh she she takes out her sword
and falls on it yes
she takes out her sword and falls on it
fantastic thanks for your amazing
suggestion back to the movie
play bagels bagels you must nourish
yourself
always you look pale nigerian
you must eat these bagels and you must
remember
that we must nourish our souls and we
must forgive
we must forgive each other and seize the
day
i did not forgive david the sandwich
seller and for that i now
must
[Music]
are you david sandwich seller no she
thought i sold sandwiches
but i clearly sell all breakfast you are
a bad man all you go
i'll sell breakfast later on when it's
not breakfast time
i'm still not used to all these french
customs oh
i can smell the blood it's
very strong no i can't really smell
blood
are you eating the blood no it looks
like you're licking it off your face no
oh no no i know forgive me i
you have a the most beautiful neck i
have ever seen
oh well thank you everybody always said
i had my mother's neck
[Laughter]
yeah in the director's cut of this movie
they really wanted to get across that
this man had a beautiful neck
i'm just going to show you a montage of
scenes from the director's cut where we
see people
noticing how wonderful his neck is in
different ways
play hey look at that boy it looks like
he's got his mother's neck
that's one beautiful neck at that point
what a spider i've never seen a neck
like this let's take a photograph and
take it back to france
we're in france score for sale score for
sale
oh i'd like to buy a scarf i will never
sell you a scarf sir that neck is too
beautiful we go back to
the main movie back to the movie
but yeah we're about to see some angsty
teenage romance play
well i hope you don't mind me saying but
you're like really awesome and
peaceful and um
right sorry yeah no no you're like
really cool too
i like i like your like i can tell you
listen to good music
oh yeah i listen all the great great
musicians and cool bands
yeah do you like
do you like my pale skin
i love pale skin you have the palest
skin i've ever seen
in your eyes your eyes are just
bloodshot yes
bloodshot eyes pretty nice huh my mother
had bloodshot
eyes oh your mother
oh no your mother was not
called angelico was she
[Laughter]
oh they did well that was my auntie they
looked awful alike
thank you i'm so sorry i
i must leave you i but wait
i didn't even get your name esmerdeldo
[Music]
news please come this way what is it ego
you interrupt my nap for this i know but
it is with great import news
what i love is that the actor playing
eagle has obviously decided halfway
through the film to make a character
choice that makes it easier for him to
communicate
but that doesn't stay the same way for
long he goes back to only being able to
make
certain sounds making communication
difficult
play you got my curse on you is
weakening i must
reinvigorate it
curse me
yes the hunch that makes you so amenable
to me
that is this terrible news you have come
open a door
okay
look in the room okay
do you want me to tell you what this
thing is that i'm seeing igor
yes okay what do you see
[Music]
you see someone missing no
oh yes that's more elder we're in her
room where is she
she is gone she has gone far
i posed as a breakfast salesman and
followed her i'm sure it is fine eagle
told me she would bring me a human to
eat she did not
look like she was bringing you a human
to eat she looked like
he was bringing herself a human
to do things with
what
you're a man of the world you're saying
esmeralda wants to
have relations with a human he was
talking about his neck
that's fine okay i read too much into
that one
okay how much of this are you certain
about ego
yes that is clear the next part
yeah my memory is so bad because of the
answer
i think i remember
the actor playing the vampire is now
openly laughing at the guy playing igor
but they get it together and this scene
soon
begins to make more sense and then we
cut to keith
who's speaking with his son and ready to
meet this girl he hasn't stopped talking
about
play well clearly we must investigate
further
that's a good idea yes i shall follow
them in smoke form
very good i shall walk behind you making
spooky noises
okay i feel like that is going to ruin
the effect
no it will emphasize the smoke in true
valpiric fashion
come this way
death i've got amazing news to tell you
sean i'm sorry i've been cooking and uh
obviously
who is the guy at the back of the scene
play somebody call for a fireman
thank you yes i'll observe the fire
first do continue this is how they do it
here in versailles
you were saying i've met the most
wonderful girl
it's pretty hot i've invited her here i
hope you don't mind
of course uh sean um i'm keith sean
sean come on
sean dad keith yes that's me i'm keith
you're shawn
i'm sean your key yes i've come to the
conclusion
that it is in fact the fire and you
should put it out
good day thank you very much the firemen
invite sidon put out the fires
themselves no they're not allowed to
ah here we go
[Laughter]
[Music]
let's do that again pause
play here we go here we go
[Applause]
there we are done and make all that
smoke
now sean tell your father keith me
what you're thinking well i'm confused
father
keith yes sean keith dad
sure keith sean paul's
right yes they keep saying each other's
names consistently i'm going to fast
forward through that first forward first
forward fast forward fast forward
pause play
firm thank you daniel
now jon
open up your heart well i feel i've
become distracted
distracted i know exactly how you feel
sit here by the father and tell keith
all about it
dad keith the truth is
i've fallen in love i know he came to
versailles to hunt and kill vampires but
ever since i met esmeralda it doesn't
seem to matter
when i look at her pale skin her
bloodshot eyes
the way she was licking blood of her
chin
it just made me feel so many emotions
keith sorry sean
i may have misheard you did you say the
words esmerelda
well yes that's her name keith pause
the words esmerelda
also a thing that i find particularly
interesting
is he's not alarmed that this woman
licks
blood off her own face the only thing
that made him
garner any hotel intel interaction and
interest
was the name as miralda but this is
where things really come to a head
because she's on her way to meet the
father keith
for the first time play well sean
if you love her that's all that matters
to me
listen i'm i'm so proud give your old
dad a hug
you see i always knew this day would
come
ah listen petunia wanted me to give you
this when you became a man which is
today
as far as i'm concerned to silver bullet
with her name engraved on it
wow now you've got a girlfriend maybe
soon you'll kill your first vampire
and then all our dreams and hopes of
family will finally come together
here we are look through the window he
can see him
there he is i will knock
tap tap tap cavity tap tap on the window
tap i think that's the window open the
window shut on
esmeralda hello it is me i
i came i could not be away from you for
long i
missed your face i've missed you so much
meet my dad
keith keith esmeralda keith
keith keith sean esmeralda esmeralda
keith esmeralda first name is second
name miralda
dad to commemorate this moment i want
you to take a photograph of me and
esmerelda
of course nothing would give me more joy
you will have to invite me in no of
course
coming come in yes of course come into
our house
thank you here we go a wonderful
photograph by the fire oh
an invite into a photograph of course no
no
oh no thank you snap go
lovely with a lovely photograph
now if i put the umbrella up in front of
the the camera no
it's just me and an umbrella surely we
have to have a proper picture
she's not in the photograph as i thought
bring down the cage
you have soiled the memory of your
mother
petunia would be absolutely furious
you're a vampire you are vampire catcher
dad you can't suggest that i have to
kill her
i'm not suggesting it i'm telling you
that unless you do it
i will never talk to you again don't
worry us brother i can get us out of
this school
oh no minnie back hey no
exactly
not to worry i am here for you yes
[Music]
i knew it all along i've been looking at
you through some binoculars
she's a vampire her name's esmerelda
her and her father killed our mother
petunia
and i keith i'm telling my son
sean that she killed our mother my
mother
how doesn't he understand what's going
on there's only
three bloody names to remember
sean keith petunia
that's all he needs he doesn't need to
say it anymore but that's all he needs
wow we're coming into the last 15
minutes of the movie and there's still
two of our awards to see
and of course there's still this whole
story to tie up and now we go and we
follow we follow
esmeralda and her father and batley as
this film really comes to an amazing
conclusion and head play
dad i don't know if i can be a vampire
hunter
well then give me back this hat
i was going to well that time what are
you being a
a childish teenager
you disgust me take that bullet that i
just gave you
and put it through her head otherwise i
will never see you again
and what's worse i will hunt you until
the day you die
yes yes because then you'll know
what loss really feels alike then i'll
know what loss feels like this is very
clear
i think you'll find if you don't
understand this sean
then you don't understand anything i'm a
teenager father take the
bullet and kill her now
i'll be waiting here by the fire for
your return and maybe
at some point you'll earn back this hat
pause pause oh my god i've just
remembered what happens next the father
leaves and there's this brief moment
where sean sits alone and the ghost of
petunia his mother
arrives and gives some advice
and that mother is actually played it's
going to be played by one of our
participants
this evening so um let's choose
who it's going to be i'm going to say
it's
lizzy it's lizzy because she looks like
the person who would least like to do
this
on our zoom board so yeah she's going to
come up in a minute
and lizzie is going to play the ghost of
petunia
and give some very important advice
is this going to work we'll see
play jon i'm going to go and sit by the
fire
good luck
oh mother if only you were here now to
give me some advice
i am here sure mother
your voice where are you
i'm in blackpool
is that where we go when we die mother
we go to blackpool
[Music]
that's where everybody goes where they
die
mother i need you now
i need you now more than anything father
wants me to kill
the woman i love she's a vampire mother
what do you think of that
[Music]
oh that's not on it's not on is it no
it's not on but mother what should i do
do i kill the woman i love to appease
father
[Music]
your father key keith yes keith
he's sean
your mother well sean
you need to listen to your heart
is that it
[Applause]
that's the best bit of improvising i've
seen in this evening
yeah with that advice we now go we now
go
to esmeralda and her father who are
arriving at the house
as the weather outside worsens play
[Music]
you were consorting with that human i
know but papa he put me in a cage
he did not want me i know that i saw
i had to come in and rescue you i know i
am
so silly father to have trusted in the
humans
my my teenage angst got the better of me
again
she will have to be taught a lesson
master no i think perhaps it is time
to summon the blizzard
no yeah
[Music]
please
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
the blizzard punched you many times yes
right in the butt
cheek is the worst punishment the
vampire can help
yes are you sorry esmerelda i am sorry
father
and you promise you will never trust the
human again
i will never fall in love again
whoa not what i said it really wasn't
thought you fell in love with the boy
papa i did then there is no choice
he must die father
look i see him down at the bottom he
he is pointing gun at us no
he is quick inside the tower
[Music]
ignore
[Music]
hey hey buddy hey buddy hey buddy
about the talk yeah yeah just don't
don't be scared don't be scared
it's all right that's right stay calm
i've got it all right
i'm mesmerized bad okay i'm here to help
you
yo batley yeah that's me hey look
she's her dad punished her with a
blizzard and locked her away
she was carried away by a blizzard yeah
i'm sorry buddy but that tower
is guarded by a lot of vampires you can
eat a lot of firepower to get in there
buddy
but i don't think if killing vampires is
in me i
i mean i love a vampire it's either that
or you gotta let her die
well i can't let her die badly but i
need help
you think you can operate this tiny
machine gun
absolutely come on batley
let's kick some vampire ass igor
[Music]
if they truly are in love and they share
true loves not kiss but a handshake
to love shake do not handshake
then it will break her curse we cannot
allow it to happen you must make sure
the boy dies don't worry master he will
die
by igor's axe this yes
i see my son sean through these
binoculars
unless he kills her right now i will
completely cut him off
quickly through the door kick it down
heart i am one of the vampires in your
way
how will you get past me and also
this vampire and me as well two things
garlic cross
great job help me please help me
i was kidnapped and brought here please
help
oh what happened to you are you all
right nothing happened to me
oh damn it i should have seen that
coming because there moves to get you to
come
one step closer to me
you think a gun is a match for an axe oh
[Laughter]
what are you doing you're torturing the
man if i keep missing
finish it
you ah
bad
that was an absolute shamble what do you
do to the poor guy not to disappoint
me gorge batley
i will deal with you later you will get
such a blizzarding after this
sir i love your daughter
there's nothing i wouldn't do for her
including killing most of the vampires
in this house
yes i noticed you killed cousin ruth and
uncle paul nice vampires
didn't do anything wrong you stay in
their coffins
drank nothing but pig blood you're bad
i'm so confused my father's told me that
all my life i need to be a vampire
hunter but i don't want to hunt vampires
nothing made sense until i met your
daughter esmerelda
when i first looked in her eyes i knew
those bloodshot eyes i knew she was the
one for me
and that is why you must die boy
hey esmeralda
badly was my best friend father he was
just a young boy
turned into a bat nothing more vampires
do not feel
esmerelda prove your loyalty to me pause
pause
yet just before batley dies he does a
little poem
as these kind of final words does
anybody on our little
on a little panel can anybody remember
what the poem is about give me a wave if
you remember what the poem is about
yes yes and the robert's family the
robert's family what is the poem about
oh no party it's about um
his memories of being a young boy
growing up it's yes it's the
[ __ ] it's the bat's memories of being a
young boy
it absolutely is amazing amazing play
when i walked as a young boy my mother
gave me everything
i had all the toys i was never a kid
that was ever sad
all i wanted to do was impress my dad
so i tried to learn and do things right
and i was so happy when i could take
flight
but turning into a bat has been the
worst thing in my life
i only wish i could have met my love
and married her and made her my wife
badly it was the most beautiful
bad poem i've ever heard stop feeling
[Music]
things
what if i don't want to be vampire
anymore
you and me we have the cold heart
but the human they have warm heart
and the blood pumping through the veins
i can feel it father
i know he loved me and you forgot one
thing about
bethley he had this tiny little machine
gun
no i will not be taken down in such a
stupid way
that'll do it i'm sean
no i'm not your kid this is drawn my son
dad i spoke to mother she's in blackpool
where everyone goes where they got where
everybody goes when they die
she spoke to me and she told me to
follow my heart my heart led me here to
esmeralda
too many people have died dad
[Music]
well sutton
you're right i've become a bitter
name obsessed man ever since your mother
died
i'm sorry for shooting your father i
shot him as well
i will never forgive myself but i don't
forget you
perhaps we can bond over that hey sean
[Laughter]
what a time to discover you can't throw
let's rewind that let's rewind that
let's rerun that rewind me around rewind
rewind
pause and as he misses note particularly
what our dead bodies
all do play
hey sean
[Laughter]
you prick
father you've thrown away the hat no
i threw it near the person
who should really be wearing it you mean
i can wear the hat now hey
give me that silver bullet
[Music]
let's throw it away because the only
thing that matters is you too
i should go now i've made quite a
nuisance of myself
thank you would you do one more favor
for me
i cannot bring my badly back he is gone
now
but he wanted to be a real boy again
would you take him and give him proper
real boy
burial thank you of course sorry that's
so bleak i said it and then
i yes go quick dad thank you
do you think batley will be in blackpool
i know that he'll be there with mother
your mother my ex-wife
did he divorce her after they die just
before she passed
hang on hang on hang on this film is
nearly over i'm sorry to pause at such
an important moment but i'm just piecing
together the story of petunia so she was
a woman
who did not believe in vampires but died
at the hands of a vampire
which meant keith delivered his life to
trying to kill a vampire but
seconds before she died
of a vampire
he divorced her in the director's cut
there is a very quick clip that explains
and shows
how that works
play i'm afraid your wife only has a few
moments left
but i also have the divorce papers if
you care to sign them
no do you believe in vampires now no
divorce officials
we go back to the main movie we go back
to the main movie
we've had all our amazing awards we've
used all of our phenomenal suggestions
but we've still got time to see how all
of our final little bits of loose
ends all kind of wrap up neatly we see
if the curse is broken whether she can
become a human whether they will share
that amazing handshake and it all ends
from what i remember with an amazing
beautiful stirring song play
is it really true you want to become a
human
i have never wanted anything more in my
whole
undead life but look just down there
in the bushes the bushes
oh my goodness
a curse breaker that's right
i just put it into my heart and it
will break curse yes
i've only ever heard about these in the
[Music]
stories
[Music]
but you're sure you'll be fine i mean
now you'll die i'll i'll die
you won't live forever a mirror i see
myself i see you i sunshine
oh i can feel the sunshine you sir will
you take a photograph of us
of course i will thanks keith dad
it's beautiful thank you
wow and most of all
feel is it beating
it's beating oh good it is because i am
completely
in love with your sean i'm in love with
you esperalda
thank you
the first time in my life i feel
something
in my heart for the first time in my
life
i feel strong
[Music]
now i have you with my life
now i have you my life
now you're my wife
[Music]
all the bats are so beautiful are they
not shown
they are the more like batley's flying
in the sky
looking down at us from blackpool it's
so beautiful
sean would you like to have my last
lint chocolate mint chocolates they're
my favorite
and would you finally share the
handshake of love with me
of course now i have you
[Applause]
in my
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
thank you so so much everyone this has
been
so so much fun we are mischief this is
mischief movie night in
we will be in our undisclosed comedy
bunker improvising movies based on your
suggestions until the end of this year
so you can come see us tomorrow the day
after that
or join us for our final show on new
year's eve it's gonna be absolutely
incredible
tickets are still available so please do
book thank you so so much until we can
see you all again in an actual room
stay safe stay well and keep laughing
thanks so much and good night bye